Spring is in the air! The flowers are blooming, the sun is shining, the winter woes have worn off and you're ready to blossom into a casual fling! There’s just something about that spring air that sends hormones into overdrive. While spring flings can be full of excitement, it may not be all that it's cracked up to be.
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Casual sex disguised as “spring flings,” "hooking up,” “Netflix and Chill,” “cuddle buddies” – whatever you choose to call it, has perhaps also become more socially acceptable, or even expected if not glamorized, in today’s society. In fact, there are countless internet dating sites that cater to these sexual trysts. Has the notion of “spring fling” become the standard for sexual relationships? And are these casual hookups really the epitome of simplicity and sexual pleasure, or could they be a nightmare waiting to happen?
It’s Risky
Some studies show that casual sex is not all that it’s cracked up to be. In fact, things can get downright messy! Some reports indicate that people are often left emotionally empty as well as physically and spiritually distressed. In addition, the emotional and distressed effects can sometimes have lasting effects, which may include the inability of a person to form strong emotional bonds of love, intimacy, attachment and/or trust.
Once someone has had a fling with the same person for an extended period of time, they inevitably begin to crave more and emotions may become involved. It’s a natural progression of the emotional fidelity that develops when individuals continuously intermingle. This natural progression occurs when there is an exchange of physical energy along with the chemical hormones that are secreted from the brain every time people engage in sexual activities. These chemical hormones are responsible for bonding individuals together, which is why even long after we’ve stopped having sex with someone we still feel connected to them.
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In fact, there are some serious consequences with a spring fling sexual life that should be considered beforehand. Here are just a few:
- Risk for sexually transmitted infections, including HIV
- Unintended pregnancies
- Settling for less than you want and/or deserve
- Loneliness
- Depression
- Lack of self-esteem
- Spiritual conflicts
- Inability to form healthier relationships
- Emotional instability
- Anxiety
Is a Spring Fling Just What the Doctor Ordered?
On the other hand, engaging in a fling can be the perfect prescription for some. The freedom of sexual experimentation is an important element to a healthy sex life, and multiple partners without commitment can be a liberating way to explore sexual preferences, try on different sexual styles, and discover what you want and need sexually. It’s also a great way to discover and explore sexual fantasies without feeling fear, guilt or shame. A spring fling can add variety to a sex life, keeping things fresh and new. It’s an ideal arrangement for those who are more focused on work or other things and do not have the desire to be in a committed relationship.
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Spring Fling Rules
Having a sexual relationship with no strings attached can be an amazing, electrifying, over the edge and a breath-taking experience, but if you don’t understand or consent to the rules of engagement you might find yourself regretting the experience, or getting yourself into a very hectic situation. If you plan on having a fling, you may consider some of the following tips before moving forward:
1. A shared understanding is essential. It’s important to make sure everyone is on the same page regarding the spring fling arrangement. Each partner should have a clear understanding as well as mutual power and say in the situation.
2. Honesty and communication come first. Be upfront and direct regarding your intentions. Always communicate your expectations before getting into any relationship. Identify clear boundaries. If you find yourself developing feelings once you’re in the situation, communicate this to your partner as well. This will help minimize confusion.
3. Find a balance between physical intimacy and emotional detachment. Remember this is just a casual arrangement. Expecting emotional intimacy is a sure way to set yourself up for heartache and disappointment.
4. Limit time together. This gets you into dangerous territory! When you start to spend more time together, someone will inevitably develop feelings. It also sends mixed messages and can create an uncomfortable situation.
5. Keep your feelings in check. If you feel yourself getting emotionally invested, don’t convince yourself that he or she is feeling the same way. In fact, as soon as you notice those feelings rising without reciprocation, it may be time to re-evaluate the situation and either negotiate a change or end it altogether.
6. Be considerate. Don’t take advantage of the situation. If you suspect that your “Friend with Benefits” is developing feelings for you, do not lead them on. Initiate a discussion with them and/or end the situation immediately. Imagine how you’d feel if the shoe was on the other foot.
7. Practice safer sex. Never take for granted the importance of safer sex. Even though you think you know and/or you may not be having sex with anyone else, it’s still important to use condoms. Consider the fact that there’s no exclusivity, you never know who else they might be having sex with. Be responsible for your sexual health.
8. Re-evaluate your situation. To ensure everyone is on the same page, it is important to re-evaluate the arrangement from time to time. If at any time you decide that the situation is no longer in your best interest, there should be an understanding that either of you can walk away or end things at any time.
Remember: It’s Called a Fling for a Reason!
Spring flings can be fun, but keep in mind it's only a fling. If you’re trying to keep it casual, make sure that you approach the situation with a thorough understanding of the rules. Whenever it comes to any type of sexual relationship, honesty and communication are essential. You must not only be honest with yourself but also honest with the person(s) in the situation with you.
If it’s a “real relationship” that you’re looking for, do not allow yourself to do the fling thing. Do not enter into a fling hoping for a ring. You will be the only one to end up being hurt if you try to change someone’s mind or trick them into a relationship. If at any time during the fling you start to notice a change in feelings and/or behavior, it’s important to check it immediately. The best way to avoid pain and embarrassment is by being honest in your intentions and being clear about your expectations. If that does not work, then it may be best to walk away because the spring fling has flung - it’s over!
Dr. TaMara loves nothing more than talking about sex! At the age of 13, she told her mother she wanted to be a Sex Therapist! Her passion is deeply rooted in spreading messages about healthy sexuality. Dr. TaMara is a sexologist, sex therapist, author and motivational speaker with more than 20 years of experience speaking, writing and teaching about sexuality. She travels the country helping individuals embrace and honor their sexuality. Dr. TaMara has published numerous books and articles. She is the owner of 7 to L.I.F.E. by Dr. TaMara. She is the publisher and editor-in-chief for Our Sexuality! Magazine. Follow her on Twitter, Facebook or Instagram, www.drtamaragriffin.com.#HowDareINot #ISaveLives
