What happened at 19 took a toll on my adult life and my marriage. It was devastating to me personally in romantic relationships. I was fortunate that I could take care of myself financially, and ultimately my children as a single mom, but that ability precluded me from letting real love in. I built a wall around my heart that was very strong.
Once I learned from a wonderful counselor and friend Love McPherson to stop viewing love from the prism of my 19-year-old pain, I realized I didn’t have to put on my warrior mode every time issues came up. Some I could Just. Let. Go. It wasn’t all about me. What??? How refreshing was that! And guess what? This was not just with personal relationships. It was with my children. With friends. Even with colleagues.
Now, while I still like the niceties, I’m more interested in someone who’s got my back; someone who challenges me, who knows I’m strong, but knows I need to lay my head on a strong shoulder, too. Someone I can be myself with—flaws and all. They know that they can be themselves with flaws and all, too. Learning to love this way is God’s way. He accepts us as we are. In doing so, His love allows change in us to happen naturally, because we want to be the best we can be and because we are accepted.
In the end, love is about making the decision to love. It is not just about a feeling. Love is an action. It is a verb, not a noun. First, you must decide to love and nurture yourself. Surround yourself with what makes you feel good. I’m not talking retail therapy here—been there, done that. For example, you like flowers? Get yourself some for Valentine’s Day or any day! After loving yourself more fully, it’s easier to decide to love all of someone and to let them love all of you, because you aren’t coming from a place of lack but a place of love.
The key lesson I’m still learning is that love is a decision. It’s how you decide to show up in someone’s life. You have to make that decision every single day.
Glad it’s never too late to learn that.
Born and raised in Detroit, Amy S. Hilliard is the Principal of The Hilliard Group, founder of The ComfortCake Company and former President of Fashion Fair Cosmetics as well as senior executive for Gillette, L’Oreal, Pillsbury and Burrell Communications Group. A graduate of Howard University and the Harvard Business School, Amy is known as the “The Mother of Reinvention.”
She is an international speaker and author of TAP INTO YOUR JUICE, Find Your Gifts, Lose Your Fears and Build Your Dreams, endorsed by First Lady Michelle Obama. Join Amy’s email list here http://eepurl.com/b2S5CD. Visit her website, www.amyshilliard.com, and check her out on on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.
Connect with Love McPherson at www.LoveInfinityInc.com or [email protected].