The Do's and Don'ts of Dating After a Divorce

Divorce is tough.

Especially if you were with your ex for a long time. Sometimes, it can feel like your whole life has gone to ruins. Picking up the pieces is hard, and thinking about getting back into a meaningful relationship? Forget about it – sounds exhausting!

But even if you’re feeling down with little hope for the future, that doesn’t mean your dating days are over. In fact, in due time, you’ll find the opportunities are all around.

Are you ready to dive back into dating? Not sure, but wanna give it a shot?

Let’s cover some important considerations as you enter this next chapter of your life…

Starting Fresh

Divorce is a major change to your life, especially if children and family are involved. But think of it this way… as painful and difficult as it is, it does offer you a chance to start anew. Just remember: be honest.

Be honest with yourself. Don’t be afraid to look inward and ask, what do I want? Who am I? Am I changed? Do I want to change? What am I looking for?

As you reflect on these questions, look back at your past. What experiences define you and make you the person you are today? What experiences will make you the person you want to become?

Whether the divorce was mutual or one person mostly, it’s all about learning and moving on. You don’t want to erase your past. Rather, you want to use it as a tool for a better, brighter future.

Still don’t know what you want in a potential partner? Start by making a list of characteristics and values you find important. And, if need be, jot down some you don’t want – like those in your ex!

This exercise puts it in writing, not just swirling about your head. This makes it more real and gives you the sense that it’s something you can readily achieve.

Don’t Rush

You may know people who get antsy. They jump from relationship to relationship, never taking time to learn, and always ending back in the same place they started: alone and unhappy.

Don’t make the same mistake! After a divorce, it can be tempting to deal with the emotional pain by finding somebody else immediately. But what does this accomplish? If anything, you’re at risk of getting back into the same habits and patterns that got you here.

So again, use self-reflection. Talk to close friends and family. Seek advice from elders. Don’t think of yourself as inferior or unworthy because you’re not in a relationship. If anything, use this time to remind yourself how strong you are.

Focus on yourself. Change bad habits. Build new friendships and explore interesting hobbies, interests, and goals you may have neglected. You’ll be surprised how much fun you can have being single!

Connect Emotionally

Sure, we all love good looks.

But good looks are only a small part of what makes a relationship work, and frankly, they always fade as we age. So get emotional. That is, look for real, lasting emotional connections. This should always be your #1 goal when seeking a new relationship.

In other words, intimacy. Somebody who can open up and share their deepest desires, private feelings, and thoughts. Somebody genuine and not afraid to have new experiences with you.

The main thing is, again, honesty. Openly talk about your life goals, what makes you tick, and why you are the way you are. You can acknowledge your weaknesses by celebrating your strengths.

This is what it’s all about, and if you find yourself with somebody who you can be truly vulnerable with, you might’ve just hit the jackpot!

Finally, Leave Baggage at the Doorstep

Hey, you’re human.

We all have baggage. But that doesn’t mean we need to let it weigh us down. If anything, think of baggage like packages of lessons. In each package is something you experienced and learned from. Each is a reminder of the things you did right, wrong, and somewhere in between.

When dating after a divorce, open those packages for your partner to see. First slowly, but eventually get to all of them. If you need therapy, journaling, or other mindful solutions, by all means, explore that.

Just don’t hide your baggage forever, and whatever you do, don’t dump it all at once!

Whether it’s trouble with your children, a history of drug abuse, or financial problems – let it out over time as your relationship deepens.

Dating after a divorce may be difficult at first, but as you grow personally, you’ll be amazed at how easy it is to let go and move on. Better days lie ahead, never let yourself forget that.