widow for nothing. Although there are days when I am mad at God, I press forward because, during this loss, I have gained wings of wisdom, courage and a resolve I did not previously possess.
I was in therapy three weeks after Paul passed. If I knew nothing else, I knew that aside from my community, I need a professional help that would allow me to process the many thoughts swimming through my head and the emotions drowning my spirit. I went to therapy every week for just over a year.
I talked about the guilt I felt of not recognizing that something was wrong with my husband. I talked about the struggles of explaining to Simone that her daddy couldn’t come back. I talked about how I was angry with God for taking my husband. I talked about how my marriage was cut short and I desire to be married again. I talked. I cried. I thought. I journaled. All as a part of my therapy towards healing my heart and refocusing my thoughts on being the best mom to Simone and the best person I could be to the world.
Lastly, every time I looked at those big brown eyes and listened to that voice that longed for her daddy (she was born a daddy’s girl), I knew I had to push through every ounce of pain to provide for her. At certain points, overcompensating for the loss we suffered. Simone has shown me that even after my tears and moments of sadness, I am still the person she looks to for guidance and to protect her.
BDO: What advice would you give to someone who recently lost a spouse?
ED: I’ve been fortunate to have people introduce me to women recently widowed and my heart aches for them. I know their pain and their uncertainty, all too well, especially those with small children. The advice that I have often given is this:
● Therapy for at least a year. Therapy allows you to talk through all of the “stuff” going through your mind. You will have someone help you sort out what