Kissing is something we all do. It’s also something we all want to do with someone that we love. And for most of us, it’s something that we want to do more of, but what happens when we aren’t doing enough of it? This topic of kissing begs the questions, when was the last time you kissed, are you kissing enough, and are you kissing the right way?
Why is Kissing So Important to Your Health?
Kissing has neurological effects that increase your bond and sense of attachment to your partner. That’s because when your lips touch, your brain releases feel-good, bonding chemicals like oxytocin, seratonin and the pleasure hormone, dopamine.
Dopamine is the same hormone released with the use of drugs or sugar. Yes, kissing produces that same hormone release.
Wet kisses actually help you exchange important hormones like testosterone. Famous anthropologist, Helen Fisher, reported that 90% of the world’s population engaged in kissing and most use the tongue.
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Yet, it makes neurological sense that kissing can fade away in long-term relationships. You have three sexual systems designed to land a mate: your lust system, romance system and attachment system.
Kissing is primarily used during the lust and romance phase of relationship development. It’s used to attract and keep a potential mate. Kissing helps you know if you’re compatible. So once you’ve established a commitment and moved into the next phase of your relationship, attachment, it makes sense that you might kiss less.
But just because it makes sense doesn’t mean that it should stay that way.
You Should be Kissing For at Least 6 Seconds – Here’s Why
Most kisses shared may be short and sweet. Perhaps you are running off to work, in the middle of cooking, or about to go to sleep. Lengthening kisses to six seconds could be a key to a better relationship.
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The 6-second kiss rule was coined by Dr. John Gottman, a marriage and family therapist, author and researcher who co-founded The Gottman Institute with his wife, clinical psychologist Julie Schwartz Gottman. A study of 70,000 people in 24 countries conducted by sociologists for the self-help relationship book, “The Normal Bar” determined that small gestures to show love throughout the day have a major impact on couples’ long-term happiness and success.
“People who really enjoy their sex life generally do these small things that have nothing to do with what goes on in the bedroom,” Dr. Gottman, 81, shared bluntly.
It all comes down to activities that boost oxytocin in the brain, he says. Kissing for at least 6 seconds or hugging for 20 seconds both trigger the release of oxytocin, which helps couples bond and feel trusting of each other. Plus, experts say, changing routines and creating intimacy rituals can strengthen relationships.
- It Soothes Headaches
Kiss the “not tonight dear, I have a headache” excuse goodbye. That dilation of blood vessels and lowered blood pressure can also relieve headaches. Kissing may also help you prevent headaches by lowering stress, which is a known headache trigger. - It boosts your immune system
Swapping spit can boost your immunity by exposing you to new germs that strengthen your immune system. One 2014 study found that couples that kiss frequently share the same microbiota in their saliva and on their tongues.
5 Things That Happen When You Stop Kissing
When couples stop kissing, it can lead to a decline in emotional and physical intimacy, potentially weakening the bond and making it harder to communicate effectively, leading to misunderstandings and difficulties in resolving conflicts.
Here’s a more detailed look at the potential consequences:
- Weakened Emotional Intimacy:
Kissing is a vital form of physical and emotional intimacy that strengthens a couple’s bond. When kissing is absent, the emotional connection can weaken, leading to feelings of distance and disconnection. - Difficulties in Communication:
Kissing is a form of non-verbal communication that conveys emotions, desires, and intentions. When couples stop kissing, it can become harder to communicate effectively, leading to misunderstandings and arguments. - Reduced Physical Intimacy:
Kissing is a crucial part of physical intimacy, and its absence can lead to a decline in overall sexual satisfaction and a sense of dissatisfaction in the relationship. Think of kissing as an open door to physical intimacy. Couples in an intimacy study shared how kissing is much more intimate than the physical act of sex and it made them feel closer to their spouse. - Increased Stress and Conflict:
Studies have shown that couples who kiss frequently report less stress and more relationship satisfaction. A lack of kissing can lead to increased stress, arguments, and conflict. - Potential for Loneliness and Depression:
In the long term, a lack of physical and emotional intimacy, including kissing, can lead to feelings of loneliness, depression, and even anger issues between partners.
How to Prevent Getting Sick with Kissing
If you want to lip kiss but want to avoid infections, here are a few tips to follow:
Avoid kissing when you or another person is sick with a fever or cold.
Avoid kissing anyone when you or they have an active problematic area such as having cold sore, warts, or ulcers around the lips or mouth.
Maintain good oral hygiene by brushing and flossing teeth daily.
Stay up to date on your vaccinations. Vaccines can prevent some infections such as the flu and hepatitis B infection.
