If you have a health concern, you want your doctor to listen to you, of course, but, even more so, you want your doctor to “see” you as an individual, not just as another patient they have to see. When you are not recognized as an individual, you risk being undertreated, your concerns being devalued, and your questions going unanswered, which can leave you feeling “invisible” while still experiencing the same symptoms and suffering. You leave their office feeling defeated or disappointed that your pain has been passed over because of your race, gender, and/or economic status. Do you need to change doctors? Not necessarily. Here are some positive steps to help cultivate a workable and mutually respectful solution for obtaining what you need from your healthcare provider.
1. My pain is your problem
You are the subject matter expert (SME) and owner of your body. Do not let white coat syndrome raise your blood pressure because you are stressed out about going to see the doctor in the first place. You know your symptoms. You know what good health feels like and what poor health is. Given your current feelings, it’s clear what indicates poor health. Even without a professional opinion, you know when something feels wrong or abnormal for you. You sought out a doctor because something is off.
You should be able to take comfort in knowing that your doctor is there to support you, especially when you’re not feeling your best. They are committed to listening to your concerns, understanding how you’re doing, and helping you regain your full health. Your doctor should focus on addressing your health issues rather than rationalizing, minimizing, or ignoring your complaints. When you come to your doctor’s office for a visit, you ought to be able to feel like you deserve to be there. The relationship should be founded on mutual respect. Once the doctor meets with you, your pain becomes a shared problem that they need to figure out and resolve. Unfortunately, for many of us, this is not the case.
2. Come prepared with a list of questions
You may be nervous or worried about your health. Before your appointment, write down questions for your doctor and describe how you feel to bring with you. These questions are there to assist you and the doctor. They will ensure you have a complete understanding of what’s wrong so you can start feeling better again as soon as possible. The questions also benefit your doctor and other healthcare providers by helping them truly “see” you.
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3. Do not be afraid to speak up when you do not understand
Answers are your expectation. Questions are your doctor’s way to help you. There are no stupid or minor questions. If you do not understand what they are saying, speak up. Your questions help them to pinpoint what is wrong with you and let them know if something they said was unclear. The clearer the questions, the better they can help you understand your troubles and improve your well-being. The practice of medicine is a science and an art. A skilled doctor should be able to distinguish between symptoms and treat each patient individually, based on their knowledge and experience with similar cases. They should be able to understand how that aligns with you and recognize and reconcile any differences. Your doctor should “see” you and the symptoms you present.
4. Do not let them charm or distance you from your diagnosis
Different doctors have different bedside manners. Some show their compassion more, while others stick to the facts. Either way, do not let them charm you or distance you from your diagnosis. The charmers may charm you and leave you smiling, but you might still be confused about the source and course of the remedy for your pain. Others have a cooler, more distant demeanor and may deliver the harsh realities of a chronic disease matter-of-factly, almost like a heartless machine. While they provide you with answers and expert information, their approach can leave you feeling sad and confused amidst your pain. You may feel uncertain about the next steps and fear asking questions, worried it might worsen the situation. If the doctor is charming and takes their time, or if the doctor is distant, cold, and lacks compassion, the same important concern remains: what comes next for you?
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5. Ask for a plan, a treatment plan
Next steps are important. Whether it means a lifestyle change, a new prescription, or a follow-up visit, you need more clarity before the examination is over. You may be the expert of yourself, but they are the experts in determining which treatment will guide you toward healing or maintaining wellness, depending on your health situation.
Good news or bad, getting a treatment plan from your doctor allows you to participate in and understand what is going on with your health before the doctor is out of sight and you are out of mind. Knowing what will happen next with your treatment is crucial for your healing and peace of mind.
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The treatment plan that you go over with your doctor or other healthcare provider is a last chance to make sure you know how to take care of yourself. It may transfer some responsibility for self-care and follow-through to you as an outpatient. You may need to have tests or see a specialist. A treatment plan will inform you about the severity of your condition and the doctor’s recommendations for its treatment. It may also include alerts about what you should pay attention to in your healing journey. If you’ve done your best to advocate for yourself, you have a solid foundation for a positive doctor-patient relationship.
