Dr. Henderson: I’m in agreement with spanking on the hands or bottom. However, “whooping” children in 2016 is antiquated and the result of poor parenting. I won’t go as far as to say it’s wrong, but any parent that is still whooping their child has failed to teach and provide a healthy example of right or wrong for their child. Parents should be aware of best practice research that says “whooping” does teach aggression, and bullying of others and does not prevent the child from doing the same thing again.
The best way to spank your child is to use your hand or an object that will not leave marks. However, I think there are other options available and spanking should be used as a last resort. Often, parents are spanking as a first resort or out of anger which is unproductive.
The long term effects of spanking can result in a return of physical aggression towards others or the parent. In addition, spanking does not prevent the behavior from occurring and can cause emotional, mental and physical wounds down the road. It has been proven that children who have been spanked do hit other children in school or day care. In addition, the increase of bullying and intimidation among school age children I believe is a byproduct of spanking. The notion that children need to be spanked to be disciplined needs to be modified and reconsidered. Often we spank because we were spanked but few can provide evidence that spankings prevented us from disobeying. Typically, as humans we repeat the same mistakes we saw modeled and spankings fall into that category. Though I have spanked my children I regret it and admit it was not effective. The shame and guilt of parents is not worth it nor is the emotional pain created in the children. I believe spankings create an angry child and angry children become angry adults. The history of this country began violently and unfortunately, punishment and violence is being taught by those parents who have not been shown proper discipline measures.
There are several measures that can be used before reprimanding your child via spanking. Love is a weapon that should incorporated to redirect and establish a healthy relationship between the parent and child. The authority of a loving and patient parent is a great measure that can deter misbehavior. Coupled with firm guidelines, boundaries, and employing other forms of time outs, grounding, early bed times, taking away pleasure, or using chores can be successful. Spanking is easier and convenient but there is not evidence that suggests it works and produces law abiding adults.
Parenting classes are a great resource for how to parent children. In addition, for parents that don’t know they can Google “better ways of parenting for our child.” I would suggest reading as much as possible on discipline and the causes and effects. There is no one stop shop for parents that works for all. The services available can be found on the Internet, social services agencies, nonprofit agencies and some churches.
Thank you to Dr. Parker and Dr. Henderson for their sage advice. Hopefully our parent’s will take what you’ve said and reflect upon their own parenting practices.
2 Docs and a Mic is platform dedicated to pushing the conversation forward on issues in the Black church and as a source of empowerment for Black men. Catch Dr. Henderson and Dr. Parker’s radio show every Sunday at noon. Also, be on the lookout for their upcoming book “No Anger in Liberation” coming soon.