Men: Are You Winning At Foreplay?

african american couple kissingIt is of no surprise to me that the average couple only spends one to four minutes on foreplay before jumping right into the penetration portion of intercourse, considering we live in a day and age where everything is quick, on the go and instant. Somewhere through the decades, we have lost sight of what foreplay is really for. We’ve substituted it with quick, lackluster oral stimulation and saliva to lubricate, but did you know that foreplay is what turns women on and ensures a lasting sexual experience? Let me explain…

Men are easily aroused by sight and sound and can become erect and ready to enter within three minutes. However, it takes women a bit longer to become stimulated and ready to be penetrated (anywhere from 10-15 minutes). Foreplay is a set of physical and mental acts that help ignite the desire for sex, as well as help lower inhibitions in your partner to help you gain his/her trust. When a woman is stimulated before actually being penetrated, her vagina will produce secretions that will help lubricate the area to reduce friction during movement, and her cervix will widen and recede further back toward the uterus to allow a better fit for the penis (the vagina at a resting state before arousal is only about 2.75 inches deep).

READ: How To Create Intimacy During Sex

If a woman experiences dryness or pain during sex, more than likely her partner hasn’t warmed her up before trying to start the race.  It’s just like jumping into a car in the middle of winter and driving it without letting it warm. Chances are your car will run slow for a few minutes and you may be causing damage to your car in the long run.  When you skip foreplay, you put your partner at risk for tearing, bleeding, pain and a rough experience. More foreplay equals a wider cervix and more lubrication, which encourages better and longer sex.

Even recently, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson responded to DJ Khaled’s confession that he doesn’t engage in cunnilingus by posting “As a man, I take great pride in mastering ALL performances. This is probably a little TMI.. I will now quietly excuse myself from this fun thread,” he wrote on Twitter.

So want to know how to win before it all goes down (pun intended). Here are a few tips:

1. Start Before The Bedroom – Men, men, men! Foreplay is not just getting between her legs. It starts with the mind. Put a secret sexy message in her purse for her to find. Leave her a sexy voicemail. Send something to her office to let her know how much you want her when she gets home.

2. Listen To What She’s NOT Saying – Being great at foreplay is not always knowing what you she IS saying, but what she is NOT saying. What kind of kisses make her moan? What does she say makes her hot for you?

3. Create The Mood – I know as a man, many men can do it anywhere at anytime. But with a woman it heavily depends on the whole experience. So every once in awhile create the look, create the smell, create the meal that goes with a night or a day of pleasure.

4. Learn from the Best There’s no shame in a real man’s game to seek help to learn how to do something better. Look online. Talk to a sex therapist. Learn from your woman about what pleases her. Watch porn together to learn more. The key thing in this is to learn. If you know better you can do better.

So, if you are looking for a few quick tips on how to incorporate more foreplay into your sexual experiences, look no more!

    • Compliment a woman on her body.
    • Incorporate erotic massage or sensual rubdowns.
    • Set the atmosphere and make the area comfortable and inviting (candles and music work well).
    • Spend more time kissing.
    • Make eye contact during these activities.
    • Oral sex is great foreplay and a preview before the main event.
    • Talk dirty.

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