My Story: “How A Sneaky Disease Destroyed My Marriage”
Fact: According to the Lupus Foundation of America, more than 60% of people who suffer from Lupus will experience some type of memory problem such as recalling names, dates, appointments and balancing a checkbook. The harsh reality, it that’s not the hardest part.
Most of us with Lupus also suffer from clinical depression, a condition that is brought on by a combination of medication and the drastic lifestyle changes.
I’ve suffered a lot of losses dealing with Lupus, but the greatest loss of all, was allowing Lupus and chemical depression to destroy my marriage.
I hate this disloyal disease; I hate that I allowed this disease and my negligence to get mental treatment sooner to force me to make some poor decisions in life and as a result, destroy my family.
My husband was literally my heartbeat and if I could turn back the hands of time, I would have swallowed my pride and sought help sooner. But instead, I cared about what others would think of me, if they knew that I was depressed.
I can handle this on my own is the lie I told myself.
I was diagnosed with Lupus and unexplained infertility in 2003; this was the same year I met my ex-husband, an extremely handsome, brilliant and wonderful medical professional. He and I fell head over hills in love, we were eager to be married and grow our blended family.
My first year dealing with Lupus was the hardest because, I found myself undergoing a whirlwind of mixed emotions, medications and lifestyle changes. That year alone, I suffered with constant chronic hives, I gained more than 75 pounds, migraines, memory loss and I itched uncontrollably.
Before my diagnosis, I was a woman that didn’t even know how to swallow a pill, suddenly I was taking six to eight pills per day just to live.
In 2004, as a new wife and after a year of unsuccessfully trying to get pregnant, I started to feel like less than a woman and that made me angry all the time.
I felt: It is my job that was bestowed upon me by God, to procreate, be fruitful and multiply and I was having difficulty doing what some women simply take for granted.
Sex had become a chore in my marriage and was no longer an enjoyment, and at that point, I treated my husband like a tool for baby making verses making love to him as I should have.
Although we loved each other, I started to feel less desirable to my husband.
At one point, he actually lied to me, so that he could go and hang with his guys. My ex-husband felt bad that he had a life outside of work, kids, and me.
Looking back, I don’t blame him.
As the years went by, I still had no baby and my health was not better at all.
The stress of not being able to conceive and the abrupt lifestyle changes of living with Lupus began to take a toll on me mentally, physically and emotionally.
I am angry all the time, mostly at my husband. He worked many hours per week at the hospital and it felt as though, when he…