You Are Not Alone: 5 Common Frustrations Of Single Black Women -

Maneuvering the dating scene as a grown woman can come with any number of frustrations. I've listed five of the most common and how to turn the tables. Trust me, you are not alone!

1. Feeling Like Men Have the Upper Hand

Do you feel like you are always competing because there are so many more options out there for Black men seeking Black women versus the other way around? This is possibly one of the biggest complaints many Black women have, some of which is truly out of your control.

What you can do is try and work on your perspective. Figure out what your best qualities are and work to really let those shine through. It will not only build your confidence, but it will also make you stand out amongst the large pool of women.

2. Where Do the Singles Mingle?

Once you hit a particular point in your life the club and bar scene can become too cumbersome to partake in on the regular. So where do you go to find eligible men? A lot of women complain that if they aren't willing to go to the club, they have a difficult time finding single Black men.

Why not try some themed gatherings through your local organizations like church, sorority/fraternity, and charities for example. These offer great themed activities where you can meet people with similar interests that are single. Activities such as ski trips, cruises, game nights and conferences are just a few ideas that can put you in the right place at the right time to meet Mr. Right.

3. No One Wants Real Commitment

How often do you hear a woman complaining that she doesn't understand where her relationship is headed? It's as if many women have grown to expect to have to weather through what I deem the "grey area period". I think we sell ourselves too short on this issue too often. There is nothing wrong with setting the tone and your expectations early on; you just have to do it in a way that doesn't come across as demanding.

If you are seeking a serious relationship, let that be known in the beginning. More often than not, when you let a man know upfront what you are looking for those that aren't in the position to or aren't interested in meeting those needs, they will cancel themselves out. The other side of this is we need to listen to a man when he tells us early on what he is looking for as well. Women have a tendency to convince themselves that though a man says he is just seeking something casual, we can change his mind. Don't allow yourself to get caught on that train to disappointment.

4. Surrounded by Dysfunctional Relationships

Feel like everyone around you in a relationship is in an unhealthy one? That wouldn't be surprising if it is true. There are more than a few people in piss-poor relationships. It seems like nowadays there are more relationships built on insecurities, complacency, and dependence than there are ones built on respect, friendship and love.

The caveat to this is, if you have been around these types of relationships long enough, then you hopefully have forgone picking up the bad habits and pinpointing what you DON'T want your next relationship to look like. What's even better is that you should easily be able to identify a healthy relationship to aspire to have because it will stick out like a sore thumb.

There is nothing more refreshing once you are in a good relationship than to have other strong healthy relationships around you to have added support and as a constant reminder of how important it is.

5. I'm Told I Look Intimidating and Unapproachable

I have heard this so many times from so many women. I have even been a victim of this statement. I think many women find this to be a compliment at some point as if it makes them feel superior and their beauty is so breathtaking it makes men too afraid to come over and speak. This nonsense has got to stop! I hate to break it to you, but if you have been told this before, it's likely not your beauty that is intimidating men, it's your energy. The attitude you are projecting across the room.

Try wearing a smile more often. Smiling can make you feel better, but also look better! Guys get rejected a lot, so the last thing they want to do is try and approach a woman who looks disinterested in being approached.

Beauty and hair maven Naomi Mackenzie is a freelance writer and business consultant. Her passion is to continuously keep up with the ever-evolving techniques and topics as it relates to skin and hair, while helping others to embrace their own definition of beauty in a healthy way. Her blog, KissTheChaos (www.KissTheChaos.com), shares both an educated and personal perspective, seeking to spark ongoing discussion. Follow her on Instagram at @oOolala_laa and on Facebook.

4 Ways To Enjoy The Single Life

It’s winter and wedding season has seemingly come to a halt. Hooray for the single folks, right? No more scrolling through your Instagram timeline full of weddings each weekend and your days of being a perpetual bridesmaid or groomsmen are over...at least until May 2020. The single life has gotten boring and redundant and it seems like you’ll never be a #relationshipgoal. BUT what if I tell you that being single can be one of the best times of your life if you decide to enjoy it?

It sounds cliche but it is very true. Being single and legally unattached to a person can be the most freeing and adventurous time of your life. You just have to intentionally choose to live that way. Making the decision to enjoy your single life isn’t the easiest and for many, it’s a daily choice to change your perspective on what being single means and how to live a life worth more than just waiting for the day where you’ll be one with another person.

Here are 4 ways to enjoy your single life:

1. Learn who you are and what you ultimately want your life to look like

This also sounds like another cliche quote but in actuality, if you don’t know who you are and what you ultimately want your life to look like you’re wasting valuable time. One of the greatest feelings in the world is the feeling you get when you know you are doing what you were put on Earth to do. The feeling of satisfaction and fulfillment that comes with tapping into your life’s work and knowing who you are and the values you stand for cannot be rivaled.

Many people spend years and even decades of their life searching for what it is they are supposed to do. So rather than spend time scrolling through Instagram feeling sad that you’re single, write down your life’s dreams, your goals, what you want to accomplish in your life and the legacy you want to leave.

2. Travel

No matter where you are from, it is important to learn that the world does not revolve around your hometown nor the United States for that matter. Traveling opens the doors to your mind in a way that books, tv shows, and magazines cannot.

One of the best and probably easiest times to travel and see different parts of the world is when you’re single. Even if it’s picking a different place to travel to each year, make time to see different parts of the country and different parts of the world. Trust me, it’ll shape how you live your life once you return.

3. Nurture healthy relationships

Many single people want to be in healthy romantic relationships but are unaware that in order to have a healthy romantic relationship, you must know how to maintain and nurture healthy relationships with family and friends. If it’s hard for you to be reliable, dependable and vulnerable with those around you when you’re single, it will be even harder to be that way once you’re in a relationship or married. Take the time while you’re single to learn how to be a good friend, son, daughter, cousin, sister or brother.

Check-in on those around you, be supportive, make plans and keep them. Relationships take work and maintaining healthy ones will sure to keep you busy.

4. Serve others

Whether you serve in your local church or the city’s homeless shelter, serving those in need takes the focus off what you don’t have and causes you to be thankful for what you do have. By nature, we are all selfish people and we need to be reminded that the world does not begin and end with our problems.

Seeing the happiness and joy in the eyes of those you serve will bring happiness and joy to your life and your singleness becomes meaningless. Who knows, your future bae might be right there serving alongside you!

Lisa Hammond is a 24-year old faith and lifestyle blogger from Cleveland, OH. With a Bachelor’s degree in Journalism from Cleveland State University, Lisa’s goal is to become a journalist, speaker, and author motivating women across the world.