As a woman, I’ve come to accept myself as a multifaceted being- as we all are. I’m strong but I experience moments when I feel less than and although I can be happy throughout my day, if I come across heart-breaking news, I quickly feel the opposite.
As a result, I’ve learned to rely on my self-care options to get me through my emotions. However, one thing is for sure: regardless of my mood, my husband will quickly absorb my energy and carry it with him - on top of what he’s mentally experienced throughout his day - so if I’m feeling sad, he can sense it.
Although I appreciate him always making himself emotionally available for me, I try to be mindful and remember that he has his moments as well, but he, more often than not, conceals them and goes on about his day.
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Unfortunately, the Black man’s stoicism is more than the social stigma of men being labeled as “weak” when sharing their emotions. Having to face the pressure of being a “strong Black man” at all costs, even when being pulled over by the police for “looking suspicious,” can understandably create closeted emotions.
Although my husband hasn’t personally had to be a victim of the aforementioned example, as a hard worker, he will work until he gets the job done, then help the next person when needed until their job is done, which means he often puts himself last and hasn’t put much thought into what he can do for himself to unwind. I took it upon myself to create a self-care list for my husband, so on days when I notice he needs some extra TLC, I go off the following list to help him feel better after a stressful day.
Create a welcoming atmosphere at home
When he comes home from work, try to create a peaceful environment that invites him to unwind and release the stresses he may have encountered from his day. Instead of approaching him about what bills need to be paid, genuinely ask him how his day went and actively listen.
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Have a gym date
One of the best ways to release stress is to set time aside to exercise. Whether you’re going to the gym to lift weights, play basketball, run on the treadmill, or take in a yoga class, getting your body moving has plenty of mental and physical benefits.
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Be mindful of what you’re feeding him
As the saying goes “You are what you eat,” so be mindful of what kind of food you both eat. Eating junk or fast food the majority of the day can create a more lethargic and less motivating environment, so try to carve in some time to create a nourishing breakfast to help him get his day started right.
This also holds true for what you’re feeding your man mentally. Pay him compliments and tell him how much you value and love him and how appreciated he is through your words and actions.
Help him take it easy
Grab some oils and give your man a much-needed massage. Take your time rubbing his neck and massaging his back and shoulders not only because it feels good to him, but because it also reinforces intimacy and relaxation. You can also watch a funny movie (our go-to hilarious movie is “The Wood” - it seriously never gets old!) or play video games with each other.
Give him his space
This may sound counter-intuitive but sometimes, it’s best just to give them space to process their feelings on their own. Of course, be loving and supportive to him when he needs you, but remember to be calm and understand that if he had a bad day at work, it’s not your fault so be mindful and try not to take it personally.
Shawna Davis is a wellness journalist and the founder and creator of the wellness lifestyle blog, Froing and Flowing. Beyond the blog, she is a certified yoga instructor, wife, dog mama and is a natural hair enthusiast that’s passionate about health, wellness, and natural beauty. You can follow her on Instagram @itsshawnadavis.
