‘Getting into the mood’ couldn’t feel further from reality, especially after having a baby.
This is exactly where I found myself in the weeks—and even months—after my little one arrived. I found myself questioning everything: What’s wrong with me? Why do I feel so disconnected from this part of myself? Will this last forever?
The answers I discovered gave me immense relief. It turns out, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with me. What I was experiencing is incredibly normal. In fact, many women face similar challenges in their sex lives, especially after major life changes like having a baby or nearing menopause.
These shifts often boil down to the hormonal fluctuations that come with these life stages. Whether it’s a sudden surge or decline in hormones, these changes can profoundly impact our sexual desire and intimacy.
If you’re reading this because you’re eager to get back on track—or because you simply want to take your intimacy to a new level—rest assured, there are natural and effective ways to support your libido. Let’s explore seven methods that can help reignite your desire and rekindle the connection with yourself and your partner.
1. Reduce Stress
Stress is a libido killer. It activates the body’s “fight or flight” response, prioritizing essential survival functions like increased heart rate and blood flow while sidelining non-essential functions—like sexual desire.
Stress can impact your sex life on multiple levels, with hormonal imbalances being one of the main culprits. Cortisol, the primary stress hormone, can wreak havoc on your libido by reducing your body’s ability to produce sex hormones like estrogen and testosterone.
How to Combat Stress:
- Practice mindfulness techniques such as yoga, meditation, or deep-breathing exercises.
- Engage in regular physical activity, like a brisk walk or a dance session, to help your body release feel-good endorphins.
- Set boundaries to avoid overcommitment and create space for self-care.
Remember, taking time to decompress and focus on your well-being isn’t selfish—it’s essential for both your mental and physical health.
RELATED: Sex Therapy: Making a Path For Greater Intimacy
2. Strengthen Your Emotional Connection
For many women, emotional intimacy is a key part of sexual intimacy. When you feel connected emotionally to your partner, it can create the foundation for physical intimacy to thrive.
Rekindle that emotional connection by reflecting on what brought you together in the first place. Take a walk down memory lane:
- What was your favorite date when you first started seeing each other?
- What small gestures used to make your heart flutter?
- What shared dreams or values drew you together?
Ideas to Deepen Your Bond:
- Plan regular date nights, even if it’s something as simple as sharing a glass of wine after the kids go to bed.
- Write a heartfelt note or leave a sweet text for your partner to remind them how much they mean to you.
- Create rituals of connection, like a morning coffee chat or an evening cuddle session.
When emotional closeness is nurtured, the physical connection often follows.
3. Make Time for Foreplay
For women, foreplay isn’t just optional—it’s often essential. Studies show that a significant percentage of women require clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm, and foreplay is a crucial part of achieving that level of arousal.
Foreplay helps build anticipation and allows your body to respond naturally, increasing lubrication and blood flow. It can also help reduce any anxiety or self-consciousness that might arise.
What to Try:
- Explore touching, kissing, or playful teasing to set the mood.
- Experiment with sex toys or other tools to enhance physical stimulation.
- Make time for oral sex or massage as part of your intimate routine.
Foreplay doesn’t just help you physically—it also sends the message that you’re worth the time and attention, which can build confidence and deepen desire.
4. Prioritize Sleep
Sleep deprivation is a common reality for new parents or those juggling caregiving, work, and home life. Unfortunately, lack of rest can significantly impact your libido. When you’re exhausted, sexual desire takes a backseat to survival mode.
Sleep is also vital for hormone regulation, energy levels, and emotional balance—all of which influence your sex drive.
Tips for Better Rest:
- Take naps whenever possible, even short ones, to recharge.
- Create a calming bedtime routine to signal to your body that it’s time to wind down.
- If sleep struggles persist, speak with a doctor or explore natural sleep aids like magnesium supplements or herbal teas.
Even small improvements in your rest routine can make a big difference in your energy levels—and your desire.
5. Incorporate Aphrodisiacs
Certain foods have been celebrated for centuries as natural libido boosters, and for good reason. Known as aphrodisiacs, these foods contain compounds that stimulate the production of hormones or enhance blood flow, helping to improve arousal and desire.
Libido-Boosting Foods to Try:
- Chocolate: Promotes the release of mood-lifting chemicals like serotonin and phenylethylamine.
- Avocados: High in healthy fats and vitamin B6, which support energy and hormone production.
- Figs and Bananas: Rich in nutrients that increase blood flow and stamina.
Incorporating these into your meals or enjoying them as a treat can give you a delicious confidence boost.
RELATED: 4 Ways Maca Can Enhance Your Sex Life
6. Add Herbs and Supplements
Herbs have been used for centuries to enhance libido, improve circulation, and balance hormones. Some of the most effective include:
- Maca Root: Known for boosting energy, stamina, and libido.
- Tribulus Terrestris: A plant extract believed to enhance sexual arousal.
- Ginseng and Ginkgo Biloba: Both improve blood flow and stimulate sexual desire.
- Garlic: Rich in allicin, which promotes circulation and may enhance arousal.
Important Note: Before trying any herbs or supplements, consult with a healthcare provider to ensure they’re safe and appropriate for you, especially if you’re breastfeeding or taking medications.
7. Explore Self-Stimulation
Exploring your own body through self-stimulation can be incredibly empowering. By experimenting, you’ll learn what excites you and discover new ways to enhance your pleasure.
For women, self-pleasure can also help alleviate vaginal dryness and reduce discomfort, making future sexual encounters more enjoyable.
How to Start:
- Set aside time for yourself in a private and relaxed setting.
- Use lubricants or toys to enhance comfort and stimulation.
- Allow yourself to explore without judgment—it’s a natural and healthy way to reconnect with your body.
Self-stimulation isn’t just about physical pleasure—it’s a way to reclaim your sexual agency and build confidence.
Finding Your Way Back to Desire
Remember, sexual desire is deeply personal and influenced by a wide range of factors, from hormones and stress to emotional connection and physical health. If you’re struggling to rekindle your libido, be patient with yourself. It’s a journey, not a race.
Open communication with your partner can also make a world of difference. Share your feelings, explore solutions together, and remember that intimacy isn’t just about sex—it’s about connection, care, and mutual respect.
By trying these natural methods, you can rediscover the joy and connection that comes with a healthy and fulfilling sex life. Whether you’re balancing the demands of motherhood or navigating other life transitions, you deserve to feel confident and vibrant in every part of your life—including the bedroom.