Common Acts That Sabotage Your Libido (And How To Fix Them!)

tired woman bed

When a person’s sexual desire seems to be missing in action it can be pretty alarming, however, it happens more often that one would think.  The libido is a sensitive thing contingent upon certain conditions within the mind, the body and in your environment. Many of the triggers that send the libido on a downward spiral are common things often seen in your day-to-day practice and can be managed once aware.  If your sex drive has taken a sudden dive, you may be self-sabotaging your sex life. Take a look at the following libido killers and their appropriate remedies.

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Libido sabotage: Stress

Some people perform better under a certain level of stress, but unfortunately, sexual performance doesn’t fall under this act. Stress on the job, financial issues, and even issues with family (among other stressors) can decrease libido. Give your sex drive a boost by learning how to manage your stress levels properly. Learn helpful stress management techniques, such as deep breathing or time management,  or consult a counselor or life coach to help with sorting things out.

Libido sabotage: Relationship problems

One of the most common culprits that sabotage libido are relationship problems. Unresolved relationship issues can turn any situation into a tense one, and  emotional closeness is a major ingredient in sexual desire for women especially. Poor communication, lack of trust and other barriers to intimacy can send your sex drive through the floor. If relationship issues are the root cause for a lowered sex drive, talk to a counselor or relationship coach to help work through the issues.


Libido sabotage: Alcohol

Hitting up happy hour after a long work week on a Friday night is a common way for many people to relax, but it could put a damper on the pending sexual experience at the end of the night. Alcohol makes people feel less inhibited about sex, but it can numb a person’s sex drive.  In some cases it may make one feel as if they can perform for hours, but being drunk can be a turn off to a partner that isn’t in the same inebriated state. If alcohol is going to be a part of a night’s festivities, limit the drinks to two at the max and make sure not to drink on an empty stomach.

Libido sabotage: Too little sleep

Representing “Team No Sleep” may be an indication of your ambition to be successful, but skipping out on sleep can lead to fatigue which is self-sabotaging to personal sex drive. If you are rising too early or heading to bed too late without getting at least eight hours of recommended sleep, find a time to cut off your work and get some shut eye. All work and no play makes anyone dull, especially if that sleep is affecting one’s sexual desire.

Libido sabotage: Medication

Many African Americans are using some form of medicine in one way or another. Medicine is used to treat certain conditions, but unfortunately there are a series of medications that are known to sabotage the libido.  The medications commonly linked to libido loss include:

  • Antidepressants
  • Blood pressure medications
  • Antihistamines
  • Oral contraceptives (some studies show a link)
  • Chemotherapy
  • Anti-HIV drugs
  • Prostate medication
  • Hormone treatments

Changing to a different medication or switching dosage may help solve the issue of a waning sex drive liked to medication use, however, you should consult your doctor before making any changes.

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Libido sabotage: Too little intimacy

It’s common to want to rush straight into sexual activity with little to no foreplay or intimacy, but sex without intimacy is libido sabotage. Intimacy isn’t just a code word for sex. It is those moments of closeness that create a bond between lovers. If your sex life is at a standstill, try spending more non-sexual intimate time together – alone. Talk, cuddle, hold hands and exchange messages. Learn to express affection without having to have penetrative sex.  As intimacy builds so does sexual desire.


Visit the Substance Use center for more articles. 

Tyomi MorganGlamazon Tyomi is a freelance writer, model and sex educator with a deeply rooted passion for spreading the message of sex positivity and encouraging the masses to embrace their sexuality. Her website,, reaches internationally as a source for advice and information for the sexually active/curious. Follow her on Twitter at @glamazontyomi.