Therapy offers invaluable support and guidance to help us get through life’s hurdles, and it can be a transformative experience and a necessary step for healing. Although the relationship between you and your therapist should be based on trust and open communication, certain factors could hinder your progress and make your therapy sessions less effective (we know how detrimental this can be for us melanated folks, who rarely seek therapy as it is).
Here, we’ll reveal the most costly mistakes to avoid in therapy to help you get the most out of your sessions.
Pretending Something is Working for You That is Not
One of the most costly mistakes you can make in therapy is pretending that a particular technique or approach is working when, in reality, it’s not. This can happen for various reasons, such as a desire to please the therapist, or maybe you want to seem like a “good” client and not be seen as difficult.
This does way more harm than good. Your therapist is there to assist and tailor your needs, and they can adjust their approach to better suit your needs if they receive accurate feedback.
Lack of Accountability
A major part of healing in therapy involves owning up to your part in whatever got you to this point. There is no long-term growth without accountability. Now is the time to reflect on the past, own your actions and emotions, and identify past mistakes to avoid repeating the same cycle.
You’ll never make it to the shore of recovery if you keep swimming in denial river.
RELATED: 5 Signs You Need A Therapist
Inappropriate Personal Comments
Therapy is a safe space to seek guidance for overcoming obstacles—your obstacles. It's important to keep the focus on your own personal growth, as your therapist's only concern is to help you.
Making inappropriate personal comments to your therapist shifts the focus and hinders the growth process. Also, be mindful that your therapist has boundaries, and you wouldn't want to miss out on valuable insight by crossing them. You’ve come too far!
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Spilling Minor/Irrelevant Details
Having someone like a therapist to confide in and be open with can be incredibly refreshing and feel like a weight being lifted (especially for first-time therapy goers or those who are used to keeping things in). So much so that you may want to tell them every part of your day, from the time you woke up to what you ate for lunch. However, sharing every minor detail of your day can consume valuable session time for addressing core concerns.
Prioritizing the most pressing matters will help you receive the most value for your time in therapy.
Not Doing the Homework
Therapists often assign homework exercises to help you apply what you've discussed in sessions to real-life situations. It’s important to do the inner work outside of therapy to reap the benefits of attending. This also shows your commitment to your self-improvement.
You may not hit your target each time (life happens), but consistently neglecting these assignments can block self-awareness and result in missed opportunities for understanding and feedback.
RELATED: 3 Benefits of Seeing a Black Therapist
Being Hostile and Aggressive
Being hostile and aggressive towards your therapist could stunt your growth tremendously (especially if sessions are ended due to extreme hostility or threats of violence). Although your therapist is trained to diffuse tense situations and help you get through certain emotions, like anger and frustration, the space should still feel physically safe for everyone in the room.
If you find yourself feeling super angry, defensive, or aggressive, it's more productive to discuss these emotions and healthily work through them rather than lashing out.
Telling Lies/Half-Truths
I get it; sitting across from someone spilling your guts as they scribble things down can seem pretty intimidating (it gets easier with time), but honesty is fundamental in therapy. You may feel tempted to leave out certain details for fear of “looking bad”, but your therapist is there to help you, not to judge and criticize you.
Remember that your therapy is tailored to you, so telling lies (or half-truths) can create a barrier between you and your therapist, preventing them from understanding your true feelings and experiences.
Therapy is for getting down to the nitty-gritty.
Stay committed to your healing journey by avoiding these costly mistakes in therapy to benefit the most from your sessions.
