There is nothing more awkward than getting to the place where you have to have the “sex talk” with your partner. You know, the talk that you have been putting off for months that centers on the subject of having more sex? I speak to so many people who have reached this very point in their relationships where they have no idea how to bring up the topic of having more sex to their partner.
They are afraid of being insulting, coming off the wrong way or hurting feelings, yet, they have made a commitment to work through their sexual issues instead of going outside of the relationship to seek the increase in sexual activity that they need.
This conversation isn’t an easy one to have and the reasons for why a lapse in sexual activity happens aren’t so cut and dry. This “why” and what to do about it has to be broken down into advice for men and advice for women. If you have found yourself in this situation, take a look at these tips and get back to having a fulfilled sex life!
For The Ladies
So the sex was once great, but now you consider it a holiday if you even get to see the shadow of an imprint. It’s quite an unfortunate situation to be in, however, there is hope! Men think about sex 24/7, so the good news is that the desire is there, but there are a few things that could cause your lover to become lazy or uninterested in having sex with you. Consider these factors before submitting your demands:
- Change in his diet
- Health issues
- Increase in responsibilities at work
- Lack of sleep
- Deviation of his sexual attention (i.e., he may be cheating)
- STD status (maybe he has something he doesn’t want to pass on)
- Change of teams (i.e., he is interested in men)
- Increase in his desire to try new things that you may not be open to
These are just a few factors that could play a part in why your partner has become less interested in having sex with you. In order to get to the root of the problem, you need to take time to sit down and talk about these things. Find out what his stress levels are from work and if he’s been sleeping and eating well. These things can alter the libido and cause a dramatic drop in sexual desire. If you notice it, lend a helping hand to help him relax when he gets home. Cook a good meal and give him a massage. Do what you need to do in order to keep his energy high and stress levels low. If he has health issues that may be having an effect on his libido, make sure he is monitoring his issues and performing the necessary treatments to remain healthy. A lowered libido is a clear sign of imbalance.
While thinking about his issues, also think about the role you play. Have you lost your sex appeal? Are you lazy in bed? Do you nag him all the time? Have you stopped doing that thing with your tongue that he likes? You also play a role in why his interests have been lost, so figure out where you’re slacking and tighten up! After you’ve taken all of these issues into consideration and have made the appropriate adjustments, bring your request of having more sex to your partner. Talk it out, make a schedule and initiate the sex if that’s what you really want. Sometimes men need clear signals from you that you’re interested.
For The Fellas
All of the same issues that I stated above apply to women as well, but you must remember that they are enhanced because of the emotional aspect of women. The following issues may also be at play:
- Weight gain
- Lowered self esteem
- Work stress
- Health issues
- Lack of attention
- Lack of confidence in her abilities
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With keeping these issues in mind, just like the ladies, you have to figure out what role you may be playing to turn her off from not wanting to have sex. Have you lost your sex appeal or gained weight? Do you pay more attention to your job or the game than you do her? Have you stopped giving her compliments on how beautiful she is? Once you can pinpoint where you’re slacking, you then have to find a way to reduce her insecurities. If you see she’s gained weight, offer to go to the gym together and give her a massage afterwards coupled with a nice bubble bath. That is one of the best ways to make a woman feel sexy and get her in the mood for loving. If you notice she hasn’t been feeling confident in her sex appeal, buy her a sexy lingerie set or a curve hugging dress that she can sport while you’re out to dinner. Cater to your woman so she will be more open to give you the increase in sex that you desire.
Open and honest communication is key to getting the extra loving you want. Pinpoint the issues that cause the decrease in sexual desire through self-examination and one-on-one conversation, work to resolve the issues and get to loving!
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Glamazon Tyomi is a freelance writer, model and sex educator with a deeply rooted passion for spreading the message of sex positivity and encouraging the masses to embrace their sexuality. Her website, www.sexperttyomi.com, reaches internationally as a source for advice and information for the sexually active/curious. Follow her on Twitter at @glamazontyomi.