Know that going into the conversation that you are going to have to agree on something in the end, so try to do so with not only concern for your needs, but for those of your partner as well.
But remember, respecting and listening does not make you weak; they only enhance the quality of your relationship (which means better laughs, better talks, better family time, and, of course, better sex).
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Some other simple strategies to make this holiday season merry:
Do something nice for someone else: Be grateful that you are at least in a relationship—if, of course, it is a healthy one, and know that many people don’t have anyone.
Ideas: donate clothes to a homeless shelter, join in the church food pantry collection, make cards with your children for seniors in nursing homes, bake Christmas cookies for your neighbor whose son is in Iraq.
Make a relationship gratitude list: Sounds silly, but gratitude lists are researched and proven to increase mood and overall quality of life. If you are feeling prickly about your partner, make a daily list for two weeks of everything you value about him or her. Don’t tell your partner you are doing it. Guaranteed, in that short amount of time, your anger load will be lighter. This can also be helpful with the more difficult people to deal with, like ex-wives, ex-husbands and older teenagers who are going through a bad period.
Stay Active: Just because it’s chilly out doesn’t mean you have to stand still with clay feet. Exercising together can increase endorphins, connectedness and great sex, and promotes overall health and wellness.
Bake Together: Look, I can’t bake either, and I’m not domestic, but doing it with someone you love can be a blast—even more so if it turns out to be a “disaster.” Take pictures of your creation and use it as the cover of your holiday cards, instead of a basic store-bought one.
And, as the Cliché Goes, Always Use “I” Statements: Well, we are talking reality here, so do your best to stay focused on yourself and, of course, don’t bring up the time his great aunt burned the turkey in 1978!
By Blythe Landry, BDO Contributing Writer
Blythe claims that she is first and foremost just another human being trying to make the most of what she’s been given in this life. Simple, but not always easy, right? And certainly, she does have some skills that qualify her for this mental-health columnist position. She is a dually mastered educator and clinical social worker with over eight years of experience as full-time educator.
As a clinician, Blythe has worked with children of all ages with behavioral issues, learning disorders and mental illness. She has also worked with middle-aged and elderly adults having issues ranging from mild depression to marital strife and anxiety. She has also been intensively involved with clients struggling with more potentially severe issues, such as physical/sexual abuse, death/dying, PTSD, severe and chronic mental illness, Alzheimer’s/dementia and addictive disorders (both substance and “process” addictions).
Blythe not only feels compassion for the many people struggling with these issues, but also for their friends and families who feel daunted about ways in which they can help. She believes that all of these very serious concerns, as well as those “simpler” ones, such as how to ask your not-so-congenial boss for an extra day off, are very important. But she also believes that laughter is the best medicine with which to start.
Blythe hopes that, through this column, you not only gain some key tips on how to increase your day-to-day mental health concerns, but also that you walk away feeling a little bit lighter about the particular issue being addressed. And remember, no matter how tremendous the issue you are dealing with feels today (and it may very well be a serious one), don’t let it consume your every thought, because a new issue will always be ready for you to put on your worry cape for tomorrow!