Long before the #MeToo movement that shed light on women who have been abused by men of power in Hollywood, there was another group of women who were going through many of the same things for years, but they were young, much younger and silenced. All of this seemed to go down at the hands of superstar R&B singer R. Kelly.
In Lifetime's three-part docuseries, "Surviving R. Kelly," a number of women spoke out about the abuse they suffered at the hand of the "Pied Piper of R&B." Kelly has done all of this in the background of creating hit after hit after hit of music that many of us have danced to, grinded to, made love to or sang along with.
Yet, this is nothing new to followers of his music. Now, in 2020, Lifetime has come out with a part II to the docuseries that goes more in depth to the victims.
Even before the infamous sex tape emerged in the early-2000’s, during which R. Kelly is seen urinating on an alleged minor, the singer had openly carried out a romantic relationship with his protégée, Aaliyah, when she was just15 and he was 27. (The name of her debut album, which producer Kelly apparently chose, was Age Ain’t Nothing But a Number.)
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Not to mention, he calls himself the "Pied Piper." Historically, in the original Pied Piper story, a man who was trying to get back at a town's mayor for not paying him, dressed in green like a hunter playing his pipe. In so doing, he attracted the town's children. A hundred and thirty children followed him out of town and into a cave and were never seen again. This is the man R. Kelly names himself after--a man who lures children, using music.
Shaking. My. Head.
Despite what you may think you know, with these first-account stories from women, it's hard not to see or dismiss the pain, anguish and sheer disgust they've had to endure. Below are a few clips from the show:
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Instead of turning himself in for committing sex crimes, in 2018, Kelly released a 19-minute song admitting that he’s “made some mistakes.” The admission is widely considered unsatisfactory and "too little, too late."
So what happens now?
Many of the past survivors have either moved on, have some type of litigation against Kelly or are trying to warn others. We as well, are trying to do the latter.
Sexual harassment, sexual assault, and rape obviously are sex offenses. But they have little to do with sex itself. The people who are making headlines for their exploitation of women employed by their company likely have had no shortage of opportunities for consensual sex. Sexual predators have plenty ofsexual experience but it is shallow. Sex is a control operation for them. They ordain the time and place of the encounter. Seeking a conquest is the overriding aspect. The perpetrator cares little what his “partner” experiences. The idea is to conquer a body, not have a relationship. Achieving his objective provides him with a buildup. He has sex on his mind a great deal of the time, looking at females as potential targets.
According to Psychology Today, in his approach to potential sexual targets, the individual regards himself as irresistible and seeks to have this affirmed. He is certain that any person whom he finds desirable will be attracted to him. A friendly smile may confirm that he is desired and that he can proceed with his conquest. This thinking occurs even with complete strangers whom he quickly regards as his property.
The person who exposes himself hopes to entice someone into a sexual act. He seeks an admiring gaze and directs that gaze. He may do this by walking around naked. He experiences excitement in fantasizing and in the exhibitionism itself.
The assertion of power is most obvious in sexual assault and rape in which the perpetrator forcefully takes “possession” of his target. Again, this has nothing to do with sexual need. Men who have an active and varied sexual life at home still attack women. It is characteristic that, both in fantasy and action, they find it most exciting to use force in making their conquest.
Here are three tips to protect your child from a sexual predator, no matter the age:
1. A predator might isolate your child by involving him or her in fun activities that require them to be...
... alone together. Part of the manipulation process is lowering the inhibitions of children. A skilled predator who can get children into a situation where they must change clothing or stay overnight will almost always succeed in victimizing them. An adult who invites your child to sleep over at his or her house alone should raise a red-flag warning to you.
2. A predator might touch your child in your presence so that he or she thinks that you are comfortable with the touching. This act might be as simple as draping an arm over the child’s shoulder or asking for a hug to say goodbye. Be aware of your child’s reactions to other adult’s touches. Does your child stiffen or seem uncomfortable? Also, never force your child to show affection to anyone when they aren’t comfortable doing so. This leaves the impression that forced physical contact is okay.
3. Keep in mind that the first physical contact between a predator and his or her victim is often nonsexual and designed to desensitize the child. It breaks down inhibitions and leads to more overt sexual touching. It may begin as an “accidental” bump or rub, an arm around the shoulder, a brushing of hair. Teach your children that any physical contact between child and adult is something to be wary of and questioned.
