"Ships don't sink because of the water around them. Ships sink because of the water that gets in them."
There are individuals in life who seem like they were created to suck the energy out of you. They come in and disrupt your life with their problems, their insecurities, their needs; the list just doesn’t end. There’s probably a part of you that feels honored that you’re their go-to and another part that feels somewhat responsible for keeping them appeased.
However, when you give too much of yourself to everyone else, there’s nothing left for you to hold onto. Don’t play with your peace. At some point, those people have to learn how to take care of themselves or stop projecting their issues on you, and you’ve got to stop being so available. Boundaries were created for a reason. They both literally and figuratively mark limits, a line that divides what you will and will not allow. Here are five tips on how to create those limits in your own life:
Take a social media break: Ever since the popularization of social apps, society has become slightly obsessed with scrolling and staying up-to-date with what their friends and strangers have going on. It may be time to delete those apps for a while and give your brain, eyes, and most of all, emotions a break. Constantly spending large portions of your day swiping through pictures and statuses has been proven to stir up feelings of depression and make us feel alone.
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Whether we admit it or not, we’ve become consumed with comparing our lives to the people we follow on the internet. When it seems like our lives aren’t measuring up to the lives that others have cropped and filtered, we become discouraged or anxious. Reclaiming your peace may be as simple as spending less time on social media or taking a long break altogether. Replacing the time you would be scrolling with reading a good book, praying, and/or taking up a new activity may be the remedy you didn’t know you needed.
Figure out what makes you tick: It’s mighty difficult to quell something that you can’t pinpoint. Have you figured out what it is that rattles your peace? Once you’re able to determine what sets you off, it’ll become that much easier to keep your space clear of those interruptions. If you know that a conversation with that family member you have a tumultuous relationship with can make your feelings flair, be sure to have those conversations when you’re willing and able to handle it emotionally. Ultimately, you have control over your emotions, don’t let outside forces sneak in and bully you. Make a decision to keep yourself in a peaceful environment, starting from the inside out.
Don’t take offense: Ladies, I know we hate to hear it, but we can be a little sensitive sometimes. Biologically speaking, it’s in our nature. We naturally attach emotion to almost everything in our everyday lives. That propensity to care about every little thing, good or bad, can result in what we call being “in your feelings” aka, being easily offended. It happens when we misinterpret a text, someone doesn’t quite agree with our opinion, or we’re just having one of those days.
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Don’t get it twisted, it happens with men too; but we’re the ones who get the bad rep for it. Although situations come up every day that may be less than favorable, it’s not always about you! It’s time to call attention to that formidable attitude and let that stuff go.
What you think is what will be: Did you know that the things you think about will eventually come to pass? Remember that peace starts in your mind. Create a space of peace by repeating affirmations or creating a prayer closet. Write your positive thoughts in your journal or on post-it notes, but keep them in a place you know you’ll see them every day. Start writing what you want to be true, like: “Today I choose peace. Anxiety can not dwell in me.” “My need to feel calm is being fully met.” “It is well with my soul.”
For some, starting and ending the day with these positive sayings or with quiet time with God and His Word makes the difference. If you believe that you have peace, your reality will begin to match that thought.
Don’t be afraid to break away from the norm: Maybe it’s time for a change of scenery. If the everyday hustle and bustle of work are what’s stealing your peace, make a decision to put those vacation days to good use. Take the time off to just relax at your (hopefully) peaceful home, or book that trip you’ve been putting off. If the environment you’re uncomfortable in happens to be your home, try to ‘Marie Kondo’ your space and reset the mood.
If the issue is even deeper still, it may be time to sit down and figure it out and make some big decisions. Being uncomfortable has its pros, but sometimes has a way of catapulting us into our next best thing. Don’t be afraid to switch things up and change your environment on a more permanent level.
Erika Pope, by day, is a Global Brand and Product Development Manager for five major brands within the beauty industry, including Aunt Jackie’s Curls and Coils. She is responsible for social media, public relations, new product manifestation, packaging, retail distribution and retention, and trade-show management.
By night, her focus is on empowering women. She is on a mission to uplift and create opportunity for minority women to win! She believes women who are empowered are not to be underestimated. “When women have the strength and the support needed they can achieve the unthinkable.” Erika, is ready to take her competitive, reliable and sassy attitude on the road to inspire women to be the boss of their life and make major Boss Moves, unapologetically.
Follow Erika @TheRealMrsPope and read more on my blog at www.ErikaPope.com
