Menopause does not have to be a solitary journey borne alone by a woman, but can be a shared journey with her partner or husband. If there is one essential guideline for men supporting their menopausal partners, it is likely “don’t take it personally.” This advice is akin to the title of a book that serves as a survival guide for husbands during this phase. Any male who has been through this and wanted to be supportive but felt like nothing was helping or working knows that this is easier said than done.
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Patience
Patience is the foundation to get you through this challenging time with your wife or partner. Know that this, too, shall pass. Changes in her hormones may result in mood swings and irritability on the part of your mate. You may want to have your own mood swings and irritability as well, but remind yourself that this is a temporary transition.
Many women at this time feel like the changes they are experiencing are beyond their control. Hear this feeling and practice patience. View this change as needing your support. See yourselves as a couple. This is not just something your wife or partner is experiencing or a problem she has to deal with alone.
The more patience you practice, the more sympathy you will develop. The more you can be there for her, the stronger your relationship will come out on the other side. If you are married and made a vow to be there in sickness and in health and for better or for worse, then this is your moment to step up to the plate and shine.
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Communicate openly
Menopausal mood changes and irritability from your wife or partner do not mean that you have to be a doormat, however. Now is the time when you will have to communicate more openly than ever before. If you have a question that will help you understand her better during this time, ask it and actively listen to her response.
Crucial questions can keep the lines of communication open and affirm your relationship in the short and long terms. Does she need to be alone? Does she need support? Can you find a way to discuss complex and difficult feelings in a way that works for both of you? Is it time to step away from a fight? The way you respond could either bring you closer together or drive a chasm between you that pushes you farther apart. Learn to read the room and help her feel comfortable enough to lean in, knowing you’re there for her.
Offer practical help
If pressured to confess, many women will say that seeing their mate wash the dishes, care for the children, or take an interest in one of their interests (yes, watching rom-coms and chick flicks together counts) can be a pleasant change and even a turn-on. This can also help alleviate stress at a hectic time or when she feels overwhelmed. Helping out can be a great relief. Considering the anxiety and feelings of overwhelm that menopause can trigger, you can support your partner by proactively relieving her burdens in a concrete and meaningful way.
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The impact on intimacy
While the above tips can help one to understand and support their menopausal partners, hormonal changes and their effects don’t stop at the bedroom door. Some hormonal changes women experience include a lack of libido, which their partner may experience as personal rejection. Communication and patience again are key.
It is important to connect and express intimacy in a variety of ways. Sex after menopause may be less comfortable also, due to vaginal dryness, skin around the vagina itching or burning, having a medical condition that affects blood flow, or feeling weighed down with the stresses of midlife and its anxieties. The solution is to find the right combination of intimacy, sexuality, and intercourse frequency after determining what may be the source of your sexual challenges and changes as a couple during menopause.
It’s not just about using lubricant or taking medicine, but addressing pleasure that appeals to and satisfies you both. Whether it is a massage, sexual touch, or making out on the couch while enjoying a movie, redefine, if necessary, and communicate what you need sexually as an individual and as a couple. Skillful and open sexual communication skills will determine your successful menopausal transition together.
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Insomnia
Sleep problems can occur in menopause. Although hot flashes, night sweats, and mood changes get more attention, sleep disturbances are also common. Lower sleep quality leading to insomnia, frequent awakening, and difficulty falling asleep may be part of your partner’s or wife’s menopausal experience.
Following a regular sleep schedule and bedtime routine can help. Designate the bedroom for sleep and intimacy, avoiding screens such as TVs, computers, and mobile devices near bedtime. Exercise can help, but not too close to bedtime either. Find the bedroom temperature that sets the mood to snooze.
Other actions within one’s control can minimize the ability to fall asleep and stay asleep. Avoid alcohol as a sleep aid since it can have the opposite effect and make it difficult to stay asleep. Try not to nap in the late afternoon or early evening, eat heavy food late, or consume caffeine too late in the day, as all of these can hinder quality, restful, continuous sleep. These tips are not guaranteed, but can set your menopausal wife or partner up for a successful slumber.
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Advanced tips: communication master class
Good communication with one’s wife or partner during menopause involves maintaining a sense of humor and laughing together, not at her. Avoid using humor in a way that could hurt her feelings, such as through sarcasm, offensive remarks, or expressing hostility.
Don’t let a mood change from your wife or partner push your buttons. Allow her to feel anger, sadness, or frustration without passing judgment or thinking it is about you. If personal issues arise or an argument ensues, consider a timeout. Be sure to communicate that this is about how you feel, not about what she said or did.
Finally, appreciate, admire, and approve. Your efforts to focus on the positives about your partner, compliment her, and remind both of you of what brought you together as a couple are more important than you realize. Any effort made in this direction goes a long way when genuinely expressed. Not everything your mate feels, says, or does is related to menopause, but common kindness always counts in a relationship.
