becoming a successful entrepreneur, climbing the corporate ladder, or excelling in your field, you’ve got your eyes on the prize, and every day feels like a step closer to the finish line. On a career-focused journey, marriage might seem like a detour.
Don’t get it twisted; Black men can be both ambitious and successfully married, but some want to prioritize their career aspirations over marriage and not have to juggle both. They want to achieve certain milestones before settling down, which can delay their decision to get married. In other words, brothas are trying to “get to the bag” before getting down the altar.
I can respect that.
RELATED: Don’t Get Married If You’re Guilty of These 5 Things
5. Financial Responsibility
Speaking of having your career and priorities together before marriage—rightfully so due to the expectations placed on men to be breadwinners, protectors, and providers. Shoot, even with both parties successfully employed, have y’all seen this economy?
We’ll just leave that there.
6. Scared of Divorce
High divorce rates in the U.S. have led many to question the institution of marriage. Historically, divorce rates within the Black community have been somewhat higher than the national average. It’s obvious that not everyone marries for genuine reasons, and some people just grow apart. But for those who may have witnessed the dissolution of their parents’ or close relatives’ marriages, the thought of going through a painful divorce may be a total deal breaker for them.
Don’t pump the brakes just yet. Although influential, divorce rates are not specific to any one racial group, and stats can’t predict the outcome of an individual marriage. You got the juice!
7. Different Ways to Love
As society evolves, so do our ideas about relationships. There are many different ways to express and experience love, and not everyone follows the traditional path of marriage. Some may prefer non-traditional relationships like cohabitation or long-term partnerships. There are a variety of reasons why some men choose to avoid legal marriage, including distrust of the legal system and a desire for more flexibility in their relationships. They want the freedom to define their commitments in ways that suit their unique circumstances.
Black men are no exception and want to choose what works best for them and their partners.
8. Emotional Readiness
Marriage requires emotional readiness, and being prepared for a lifelong commitment manifests in various ways and differs from person to person. However, as previously stated, some unique societal factors can sometimes place emotional burdens on Black men, contributing to their hesitation to marry.
Also, specifically for those who have faced trauma and adversity in previous relationships, these wounds need time to heal, and the idea of marriage can be intimidating.
It’s all good; we advocate for therapy around here.
9. Fear of Rejection
This one kind of ties into being emotionally ready, and overcoming this fear can also take time. But hey, we all get rejected at some point in life. Don’t carry those feelings around, living in fear. That’s like a farmer saying, “I don’t want to plant these seeds because they might not grow.” Just saying. You’ll never know if you don’t shoot your shot and see what happens.
10. Afraid of Change
Marriage represents significant life changes, and some believe that these changes include limiting one’s freedom and losing their sense of self. Some may be resistant to change, as it can be unsettling and uncertain. Understand that, while change can be an adjustment, it can also bring about growth and fulfillment. A good marriage can enhance your life without compromising your independence.
Look, there’s no bottom line or secret formula to this thing. Encouraging Black men to pursue their aspirations in love while also dismantling harmful stereotypes is a collective responsibility. We’ll continue to advocate for open conversations to help bridge the gap between perceptions and realities. One time for Black love and happily ever afters!