Sexuality is a difficult subject for Black America to face without bringing misogyny and slut shaming into the fold, but for New York Time's best-selling author Karrine Steffans, sexuality has never been a subject that was off limits or shameful to embrace.
Hailing from the small island of St. Thomas where everyone's dirty laundry was public access, Karrine's openness with her sexuality landed her among elite circles where her sexual ability became somewhat of an urban legend. But the former video vixen is more than what she has been labeled by the men she formerly engaged with intimately.
The memoirist has become one of the few women within Black culture to advocate for female sexual liberation and to serve as a contemporary sex educator through college lectures, published works and countless amounts of social media rants. Her courage has inspired thousands of women to own their sexual truths.
This summer, Karrine closes a chapter of her life by releasing her final memoir and seventh book, and in a telling conversation with this crusader, we spoke about Vindicated, power shifts in the bedroom and prostate play.
Feeling Vindicated
In June 2015, Karrine kicked off her national book tour during the release of her last memoir, Vindicated: Confessions of A Video Vixen 10 Years Later. The release of Vindicated not only commemorates the publishing of her first book 10 years ago, it also places a cap on a life that no longer serves her.
"When asked to write this book, there were no guidelines as to what it should be about and, at first, I couldn’t figure out what my readers would want from me, at this point in my life and career, that I could give them without harming myself," states Karrine.
"It took a while but I came to the conclusion that there was only one story left that no longer belonged to me." Vindicated is a "gut-wrenchingly" honest retelling of Karrine's life while married, a side of her that the public has never seen before.
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"For years, I lived a tormented life, suffering at home while the media portrayed me as a villain or a wild woman," Karrine expresses. "Meanwhile, I was married, at home, raising two children, and slowly dying at the hands of a man who was and still is determined to kill me. There is a lot the public doesn’t know, but I was content to let the urban media make up stories, rather than have them know what was really happening in my life at a time when I wasn’t ready to be this open. But now, it’s time and everything I lost or gave away will be returned to me with the publication of this book." Karrine seeks to empower women and save lives by sharing her personal truth through this book, and finally tie up loose ends to a part of her life that has since been extradited.
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"As we get older, our relationships become more...
...significant so, the friends and the man I have now are off limits to the public," Karrine states. "Instead of writing about my life, I choose to simply live my life and all of that belongs to me, now. But there was just one story left, and that is what I am sharing with my readers this time around."
Power Shifts In The Bedroom
Sex isn't just about one partner assuming the position of the dominant. It is a mix of experimenting with power roles and having fun along the way. Unfortunately, in the Black community many men have an issue with relinquishing the reins of sexual control, and likewise, many women have a problem with embracing the role of initiating and dominating the sexual experience. Karrine has her take on why this issue persists and where women can find the answers to this issue.
"Men who don’t control much in their lives are prone to try to control women and sex," Karrine explains. "It’s the only thing to which they really have access. Adversely, we often find that men who control many aspects and people in their lives, prefer to be dominated during sex. It’s a security issue. The more insecure the man, the more he will try to control the woman and all sources of her power, including sex. I discuss sex as a power source in my second book, The Vixen Manual: How to Find, Seduce, and Keep the Man You Want."
Prostate Stimulation 101
Just a few weeks ago, Karrine opened up about her experiences with anal play and 'prostate milking,' and before she could move on to the next social media post, the urban community unleashed a slut shaming attack per usual. As always, Steffans took the heat in stride remaining unbothered by the antics of critics who are restricted from seeing the benefits of prostate stimulation, and in the process, chose to educate the masses about the health improvements prostate milking can have for men. Her knowledge on this topic is enlightening.
Prostate massage is part of the digital rectal examination (DRE) routinely given to men by urologists in order to look for nodules of prostate cancer and to obtain an expressed prostatic secretion (EPS) specimen for microscopy and microbiological culture to screen for prostatitis.
"What we know for sure is that the prostate gland is an erogenous zone for men and it's often referred to as their G-Spot," explains Steffans. "When manipulated, or 'milked,' it releases the excess semen that often causes discomfort in the gland. Prostate milking is beneficial to men and is even said to help men minimize the chances of developing prostate cancer.
She adds, "It is a procedure that is also performed by medical professionals and should be carefully approached by men and their partners. That being said, a man who is not open to this sort of manipulation in his personal life will most likely have to be open to the idea of having his prostate examined and maybe even milked by a medical professional around the age of 40, if not before. So, now would be a good time to wrap their minds around the idea."
Vindicated will be available June 2, 2015, but is currently available for pre-sale on Amazon.com. Tickets for her book tour and other events are available on the events page of her website karrineandco.com.
Glamazon Tyomi is a freelance writer, model and sex educator with a deeply rooted passion for spreading the message of sex positivity and encouraging the masses to embrace their sexuality. Her website, www.sexperttyomi.com, reaches internationally as a source for advice and information for the sexually active/curious. Follow her on Twitter at @glamazontyomi.
