17 Signs of Abuser You May Have Missed (Man or Woman)

You may not have seen it, but the video of music mogul Sean "Diddy" Combs beating his then ex-girlfriend Cassie, has been unearthed and has sent shockwaves through the community. The sheer violence of the video has started conversations about what an abuser looks like, can he or she change, and what signs from an abuser you may have missed. Here are signs from both men and women abusers you should keep an eye out for.

9 Signs of an Abusive Man

1. Controlling Behavior

Controlling behavior typically presents as wanting to control how a person spends their time and can include:

Constantly questioning where a person has been and who they were with.
Making all the decisions.
Controlling the finances.
Checking the call history, messages, emails, and internet history of a person.
Telling a person how to dress, who they can talk with, and where they can go.

2. Jealousy and possessiveness

A person displaying abusive behavior may be excessively jealous and possessive. Some examples can include:

Wanting to be with their partner all the time
Frequently calling or dropping by unexpectedly
Accusing a person of flirting with others or having affairs
Not allowing a person to go out, to work, or school in case they meet someone else
Being jealous of a person spending time with friends or family

3. Quick Involvement

A person may come on very strong and want to escalate the relationship quickly. They may want to live together or propose a few months into the relationship, and express feelings of intense love very quickly. This may be an early sign of abusive behavior.

4. Unrealistic expectations

Having constant unrealistic expectations of a person can be an early sign of abusive behavior. A person may expect their partner to be perfect, behave a certain way, and meet their every need.

5. Hypersensitivity

A person displaying abusive behavior may be extra sensitive and unpredictable. They may see everything as a personal attack and blow things out of proportion.

6. Blaming others

A person may not take responsibility for their own behaviors. They may constantly accuse other people of doing something wrong or upsetting them when they are the ones actually displaying the behavior.

7. Rigid gender roles

If a person rigidly conforms to gender roles, it may be a sign of abusive behavior. They may believe that males are superior to females and expect a person to do everything for them without question.

8. Breaking or striking objects

A person may break precious possessions, strike objects close to a person, or throw things to intimidate, threaten, or punish them.

9. Aggressive behavior during arguments

Behaving aggressively during disagreements can be a sign of abusive behavior, such as:

pushing or shoving
threatening violence
stopping a person from leaving a room
restraining a person or holding them against a wall

(Caption: Sean "Diddy" Combs verbally apologizing for his 2016 beating of Cassie after the video came out)

8 Signs of an Abusive Woman

1. Verbal and emotional abuse

This can include a woman who slews insults, put-downs, and name-calling. The abusive wife may also use manipulation and guilt to control her partner.

2. Physical violence

This can include hitting, pushing, or throwing objects at their partner.

3. Controlling behavior

The abusive wife or girlfriend may try to control every aspect of her partner's life, including who they can see, where they can go, and what they can do.

4. Isolation

The abusive girlfriend or wife may isolate her partner from friends and family, making it difficult for them to seek support or leave the relationship.