You may not have seen it, but the video of music mogul Sean "Diddy" Combs beating his then ex-girlfriend Cassie, has been unearthed and has sent shockwaves through the community. The sheer violence of the video has started conversations about what an abuser looks like, can he or she change, and what signs from an abuser you may have missed. Here are signs from both men and women abusers you should keep an eye out for.
9 Signs of an Abusive Man
1. Controlling Behavior
Controlling behavior typically presents as wanting to control how a person spends their time and can include:
- Constantly questioning where a person has been and who they were with.
- Making all the decisions.
- Controlling the finances.
- Checking the call history, messages, emails, and internet history of a person.
- Telling a person how to dress, who they can talk with, and where they can go.
2. Jealousy and possessiveness
A person displaying abusive behavior may be excessively jealous and possessive. Some examples can include:
- Wanting to be with their partner all the time
- Frequently calling or dropping by unexpectedly
- Accusing a person of flirting with others or having affairs
- Not allowing a person to go out, to work, or school in case they meet someone else
- Being jealous of a person spending time with friends or family
3. Quick Involvement
A person may come on very strong and want to escalate the relationship quickly. They may want to live together or propose a few months into the relationship, and express feelings of intense love very quickly. This may be an early sign of abusive behavior.
4. Unrealistic expectations
Having constant unrealistic expectations of a person can be an early sign of abusive behavior. A person may expect their partner to be perfect, behave a certain way, and meet their every need.
5. Hypersensitivity
A person displaying abusive behavior may be extra sensitive and unpredictable. They may see everything as a personal attack and blow things out of proportion.
6. Blaming others
A person may not take responsibility for their own behaviors. They may constantly accuse other people of doing something wrong or upsetting them when they are the ones actually displaying the behavior.
7. Rigid gender roles
If a person rigidly conforms to gender roles, it may be a sign of abusive behavior. They may believe that males are superior to females and expect a person to do everything for them without question.
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8. Breaking or striking objects
A person may break precious possessions, strike objects close to a person, or throw things to intimidate, threaten, or punish them.
9. Aggressive behavior during arguments
Behaving aggressively during disagreements can be a sign of abusive behavior, such as:
- pushing or shoving
- threatening violence
- stopping a person from leaving a room
- restraining a person or holding them against a wall
8 Signs of an Abusive Woman
1. Verbal and emotional abuse
This can include a woman who slews insults, put-downs, and name-calling. The abusive wife may also use manipulation and guilt to control her partner.
2. Physical violence
This can include hitting, pushing, or throwing objects at their partner.
3. Controlling behavior
The abusive wife or girlfriend may try to control every aspect of her partner's life, including who they can see, where they can go, and what they can do.
4. Isolation
The abusive girlfriend or wife may isolate her partner from friends and family, making it difficult for them to seek support or leave the relationship.
5. Jealousy and possessiveness
The abusive woman may constantly accuse their partner of cheating or being interested in others.
6. Blaming and gaslighting
The abusive wife may shift the blame onto their partner for their own actions or manipulate them into questioning their own reality.
7. Threats and intimidation
This can include threats of violence, harm to themselves or others, or threats to take away children or financial support.
8. Constant criticism
The abusive wife may criticize and belittle their partner's appearance, abilities, and decisions.
