Netflix and Chill- a staple amongst the millennial generation today! In the event that you've been living under a rock "Netflix and Chill" is a term commonly used to refer to "hook-ups" seldom followed by a committed relationship. Its roots derive from what better place than the almighty Black Twitter and the activity quickly escalated over the years to become one of America's most endearing and favorite "late night terms" if you catch my drift.
Some would say, "It's just sex," while others wouldn't agree. It's amazing how in that midnight hour a "wyd" text, so commonly used today, followed by a few emojis and small talk can lead you straight to Netflix and Chill (smirk). In an age of liberation, casual sex among consenting adults, practiced in a healthy manner, isn't as taboo as it's previously been seen.
BUT-- what happens when that casual encounter becomes...dare I say...an emotional one? After all, we're human and through casual encounters, it's possible, and normal, to begin to form emotional attachments with other humans and wonder if this could be "more"...
So, it happened, and now you're looking for more. Well, that's where I come in! I'm here to give you my top 3 tips to go from "Netflix and Chill" to Netflix and something actually REAL...
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1. Define Your Terms.
Many times we stumble into these Netflix and Chill arrangements without clearly defining our terms. From there, we end up making emotional investmentsin people that were only meant to be a "hook up." Clearly defining the terms up front will ensure that both parties are on the same page. To stay on the same page, check in and don't hesitate to redefine your terms; this is critical to taking things to the next level.
Sure it can be a difficult conversation, but its necessary to potentially secure the bae. Having the courage to engage in difficult conversations about this topic, and many more can greatly improve the quality of your life overall.
2. Realize the conversation may not always have the perfect ending.
Yikes!!! So I'm sure you're wondering why I just motivated you to have these conversations in hopes of getting your fairytale ending and now I'm telling you it won't happen! Total buzz kill right? Well, rejection is a part of life and by engaging in the conversation and defining your terms your Netflix and Chill partner may not always feel the same way. -- And THAT's a very real place to be.
When plotting operation #SecureTheSpouse2018 you have to be prepared for the very real reality that "bae" might not be on that same page...and that's okay! Vulnerability is the practice of putting all of our cards on the table with no real guarantee that the hand we've been dealt will win the big game. It's scary but can prove to be totally worth it. What I'm saying is: You can't be attached to the end result because this could go either way.
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3. Be prepared for what the switch from casual to deliberate really means
Many times we engage in and so openly accept a "Netflix and Chill" type of arrangement because of its convenience and the fact that it enables us to be something most won't admit: selfish. I can attest to this myself. As a busy young professional attempting to make my mark in this world I seldom have the time, energy, and mental stamina to devote to a human being and cater to what drives them.
Most can agree that being deliberate in dating takes major sacrifice. Sacrifice from your personal time, sacrifice from your resources, sacrifices from your life! So as we journey to canceling our Netflix and Chill arrangements we have to be more than prepared to lose our selfish mentality and transition our thinking to a more altruistic mindset in which we are willing to sometimes put the needs of another before our very own.
Hopefully, these tips help those of us who are ready to put operation #SecureTheSpouse2018 in full effect. Those who aren't, keeping doing you boo boo. No judgment here.
This year let's be deliberate in doing exactly what makes up happy and remember Netflix and Chill can definitely become Netflix and Real!
Brandon Herring is a financial professional by day and ratchet scholar by night. A graduate of the University of Illinois at Urbana Champaign his areas of specialty include personal finance, entrepreneurship, business, and marketing. He Is a self-proclaimed know it all with a love for his community, and seeks to contribute philanthropically through financial education amongst African Americans.
