While it may be easy to speculate what you may or may not do in a situation of abuse, one can never really know how you will react until that abusive situation happens to you. People who abuse other people are predators; they look for a person’s vulnerable spots so that they can exploit and manipulate their way into their life. An abusive relationship can sneak up on you due to the fact that abuse comes in many forms. Many already know about physical abuse, but here's a few forms of abuse you may be overlooking:
1. Economic Abuse
Using money to control a person, such as having one to account for every penny being spent. The abuser will not only have control over their own money but the victim’s money as well. Some signs include, - Demanding an account of everything you buy
- Controlling your access to financial information
- Not allowing you to talk to others about money
- Not allowing your name to be on accounts, which would allow you to build credit
- Forcing you to put your name on accounts and then destroying your credit
2. Spiritual Abuse
Bullying someone to subscribe to the same religion or belief as they do, no matter if the person believes in the philosophy or not. Within spiritual abuse, abusers use exclusive language. “We’re the only ministry really following Jesus.” “We have all the right theology.” Believe their way of doing things, thinking theologically, or handling ministry and church is the only correct way. Everyone else is wrong, misguided, or stupidly naive.
Spiritual abusers also create a culture of fear and shame. Often there is no grace for someone who fails to live up to the church’s or ministry’s expectation. And if someone steps outside of the often-unspoken rules, leaders shame them into compliance. Leaders can’t admit failure, but often search out failure in others and uses that knowledge to hold them in fear and captivity.
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They often quote scriptures about not touching God’s anointed, or bringing accusations against an elder. Yet they often confront sin in others, particularly ones who bring up legitimate biblical issues. Or they have their circle of influence take on this task, silencing critics.
3. Digital Abuse
Using technology such as email, social networking, and texting to bully and harass another.
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This type of abuse has been heightened in the past few years. It may come off as passive-aggressive or even blatant with the use of pictures, memes, videos and other media to get your attention.
Types of digital abuse include:
- Telling you who you can or can’t follow, or be friends with on social media.
- Sending you negative, insulting, or threatening messages or emails.
- Using social media to track your activities.
- Insulting or humiliating you in their posts online, including posting unflattering photos or videos.
- Sending, requesting, or pressuring you to send unwanted explicit photos or videos, sexts, or otherwise compromising messages.
- Stealing or insisting on being given your account passwords.
- Constantly texting you or making you feel like you can’t be separated from your phone for fear that you’ll anger them.
- Looking through your phone or checking up on your pictures, texts, and phone records.
- Using any kind of technology (such as spyware or GPS in a car or phone) to monitor your activities.
4. Emotional Abuse:
Weakening a person’s sense of value by constantly criticizing and demeaning them.
It involves a regular pattern of verbal offense, threatening, bullying, and constant criticism, as well as more subtle tactics like intimidation, shaming and manipulation. Emotional abuse is used to control and dominate the other person, and quite often it occurs because the abuser has childhood wounds and insecurities they haven't dealt with — perhaps as a result of being abused themselves.
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One thing that is common with all types of abuse is that the abuser is in control at all times. Abusers are very calculating, obsessive, aggressive and controlling. Many times, abusers use guilt and isolation to keep the abused in check.
Stop this hurtful culture of abuse consisting of shame, embarrassment and hurt. It is very hard for the victim to admit that they are being abused. But with help and therapy, the victim can become the victor.
Visit the BlackDoctor.org Mental Health center for more articles.
