desert, but what I thought was an oasis turned out to be just a mirage.
My Aunt left after several weeks. I went to college. I left college. I lived with my mom’s sisters. I returned to college. I finished college a year later, still sad, but functioning. It took a long time to process something that big. I was grateful to have my mom’s family to reach out to and therapy years later to help make sense of it all.
Surviving in silence and failing was not a healthy choice. It’s been almost 33 years since she passed on. I hold her in my heart, thoughts, and choices. I tend to be a more solitary person who needs daily time alone to settle my spirit; and silence to hear myself think. If it were not for my fiancé, I probably would never go out. (This is proof that God blesses us with what we need.)
As long as it is a choice to be and not to isolate, being alone can be healthy. It can be a time for introspection leading to self- and other-understanding. Too much noise shatters peace of mind. Loneliness is no one’s choice, however. It is the evil twin of aloneness and the wayward child of solitude. It is also the root of losses of love, community, and other social separations.
Solitude becomes unhealthy when you realize you haven’t been choosing. You haven’t been choosing the isolation. You haven’t been choosing the lack of connection. Instead of solitude charging you up with creative ideas, you are feeling run down with hopelessness and too weary to reach out to trusted persons or professionals most capable of getting you healthy again.
Keep checking in and stop checking out before aloneness can become lonely. Build a network of supporters before you need the support. The quality counts more than the quantity. Fill the network with people who know what’s normal for you and see the signs of your solitude becoming unhealthy. Empower them with a mental health advance directive like the Wellness Recovery Action Plan (WRAP) to take mutually acceptable action to restore and return them to their normal when you can and can’t reach out. Believe that hope is around the corner with the gracious goodness that you need and deserve, and you will find it. With time and help, you can rebuild your inner joy.