I lost my appetite, couldn’t sleep and began hallucinating. After searching on Google, I had an inkling that it was Multiple Sclerosis, but I refused to accept the first diagnosis. Finally, Dr. Omar Khan, Director, Wayne State University Multiple Sclerosis Research Center, concurred with the diagnosis. His compassion and positivity helped me swallow the MS pill a little bit easier.
I was initially so afraid, ashamed and confused, not wanting anyone to know because I didn’t want their pity (AND STILL DON’T). I went from not wanting to eat to binge eating. I distanced myself from my then husband, and fought to redefine my identity. I was in a depressing abyss. After gaining 20 pounds and drowning in my tear-filled pillow, I finally came to my senses.
Now, I proudly say: “I have MS, but MS doesn’t have me.”
I’ve become empowered and humbled at the same time. Empowered because my favorite scripture now has greater meaning: “For all things I have the strength through the one who gives me power.” -Philippians 4:13. Yet, I was also humbled and more compassionate of those who may not “look” like they are fighting a battle-because we all are.
I’m thankful that I am doing well and have family and friends who have been a strengthening aid to me. I now strive to live a life of purpose, showing appreciation for this precious gift of life in all areas (physical, spiritual, emotional, and mental).
My body has become a radar for how well I am treating myself. I may try to hide my fears and emotions, but the body doesn’t lie. As a result, I am more present in the moment. I appreciate the power of positive thinking. I eat more clean and natural foods, exercise regularly, laugh harder and forgive more freely.
In essence, MS saved my life.
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