…I faked the confidence in my body so there was no way I would ever be able to pull that off. It was now or never.
Tough Love
In hindsight, it wasn’t all about him, but about the fact that I knew I could never be the person I wanted to be, and have the relationship I REALLY wanted to have if I didn’t get rid of this “zero” body that felt like a cage. I remember sitting on his couch and feeling horrible and ashamed and disgusted and defeated and there was nowhere else to hide. I put my head to his chest and, exhausted, I whispered “I want to lose weight.” He responded “If you’re serious, I’ll help you.”
He gave me one instruction: eat clean.
He also handed me a workout that consisted of weight training 3 days a week at the gym, yoga one day, and cardio one day. For the first few months, for reasons I don’t remember, I could only think to eat Cheerios (plain, of course), fish, rice and yogurt. My boyfriend, always patiently advising, never criticizing, was teaching me what foods are healthy and how to read labels. He explained to me why plain Cheerios weren’t ideal for my goals and why other options (eggs, oatmeal, etc.) were better.
Under Construction
I was like a sponge, absorbing everything he said and ultimately it was this humility that largely contributed to my success. It’s okay to just say “I want to lose weight, I don’t know where to start, and I don’t even know if I can do it.” Becoming a true student of health and fitness sparked my interest in bodybuilding, specifically women’s figure. I wanted to know everything there is to know about how nutrition and training contribute to what we see in the mirror. In one sense, I was always a “bodybuilder,” not competitively of course. I was always adjusting my diet and my training to get the vision in my head to match the person I saw in the mirror.
I’m in love with how much control I have over my most precious asset: my physical body. Now the battle with the scale is over, and my bodybuilding journey is centered around creating my body to look the exact way I want it to look. It’s art in many ways and I’ve always been an artist at heart.
I started out as a size 16/18 and am now in a size 4/6. I originally wanted to be a size 9 and at the time a size 9 was a pipe dream! The feeling of accomplishing what you couldn’t imagine being possible and even surpassing that is so surreal.
Taking control over your health and fitness is so meaningful. It’s so incredibly empowering and takes form in different, seemingly unrelated aspects of your life. If people knew what they could do, they would be brought to tears with their accomplishments. I want everyone to believe in themselves more than anything, especially those who are hurting the most and become whoever they want to be. For me, it’s chiseling my physique like it’s art, but I would have never known how much joy it brings me if I didn’t open that door to endless possibilities. I truly believe taking care of you (at whatever level you want) is the first step to truly discovering who you are. Being fit is not about looking good, it’s a way to change your life if you’ll allow it.
Catch Lea each week on BlackDoctor.org’s Facebook Live and follow her on Instagram for inspiration @the_leahshow.