Mother-daughter relationships are more than just bonds; but lifelines between the greatest, most solid best friend-duo to have ever lived—in a perfect world. As much as we would all like to have a healthy, loving relationship with our mothers and daughters, the truth is that every dynamic is different. The upside? If you’re looking to nurture yours, we got your back. Here are ten ways to repair your broken mother-daughter relationship and start the healing process.
1. Acknowledgment & Accountability
Healing starts with accountability. Both mother and daughter should be willing to reflect on and acknowledge the challenges faced in the past and own up to their part in the downfall. When both are willing to admit their shortcomings, it shows a sign of emotional maturity and paves the way for growth and understanding.
2. Communication & Active Listening
Effective communication should be at the forefront of any relationship, but it's often challenging, especially between mother and daughter. To bridge the gap, both parties should practice active listening, allowing each other to speak without interruption. Approach conversations with level-headedness and be ready to listen for understanding, not to spew out comebacks and dismissive responses that hinder progress.
3. Being Teachable & Willing to Learn from Each Other
A healthy mother-daughter relationship is a two-way street where both mother and daughter are open to receiving knowledge from each other. Avoid making it one-sided, where one party always knows best, and embrace the idea that wisdom can flow in both directions.
4. Expressing Understanding with Empathy
Empathy is a powerful tool for rebuilding trust—it’s the bridge that connects emotional gaps in the relationship. Daughters, try to understand your mother’s perspective, the challenges she faced, and the sacrifices she has made. Just the same, mama, show empathy for your daughter’s journey and recognize the unique trials of her generation (having lived longer does not mean you have all of the answers).
You won’t always see eye to eye, but it’s less likely for things to go left when you are trying to understand each other's experiences and viewpoints.
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5. Discontinuing Trauma Traditions
Some mother-daughter relationships are burdened by harmful traditions or habits that revisit trauma. In most cases, negative patterns are passed down through generations, creating a cycle. It takes courage to address and discontinue these toxic legacies (instead of downplaying or avoiding them) and replace them with healthier practices.
6. Being a Safe Landing Place
Mother-daughter relationships thrive when they become safe havens where each can express their thoughts and feelings honestly without fear of judgment. Create a space where you can confide in each other without criticism, even when you disagree. Do your best to make support and love the foundation of every encounter.
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7. Establishing Clear, Healthy Boundaries
Showing no respect for (or having a lack of) boundaries can add more strain to an already rocky mother-daughter relationship. Clear, healthy boundaries must be set to allow each other to express their individuality without conflict.
This looks like letting go of the need to control and trusting in others' ability to make their own decisions (as long as they are not harmful).
8. Spend More Time Sharing Common Interests
Sometimes the wounds can be healed just by spending time together. Find common interests and activities that you both enjoy. Whether it's cooking, dancing, or a planned day out, use this time to share experiences and create beautiful memories to strengthen the relationship.
9. Acknowledge the Good in One Another
It's easy to focus on the negatives, but acknowledging each other's strengths and qualities is equally important. Express gratitude or what you admire most about your mother or daughter. Focusing on the positive aspects of your relationship can help rekindle the bond and shift the narrative from criticism to appreciation.
10. Discuss Ways to Move Forward
If you’ve tried all of the above but your relationship remains strained despite continuous efforts, there may be aspects that cannot be changed or fixed between the two of you. It happens. In these cases, discuss ways to move forward, and if the relationship is still desired, professional therapy can be a valuable tool for providing guidance and navigating the healing process.
