4 Ways to Help Your Loved One Manage Their Dementia

You notice unusual changes in your mom, like forgetting how to get home from the grocery store, or not remembering how to work the microwave. You take her to the doctor and the diagnosis is dementia, possibly Alzheimer’s disease. Now is the time to talk to her and plan ahead for when she may be unable to make decisions for herself.

It may seem premature to initiate a discussion with a relative who is in the early stages of memory loss. After all, they are still independent and managing well. But dementia causes a gradual decline in reasoning, thinking and memory. You need to make plans with your loved one while they are still thinking clearly.

Tough talks

Discussing budget, finances and health care plans with a parent or other relative is not an easy conversation. The person with memory loss might be in denial or upset about losing their independence. They might not appreciate the role reversal of a child or grandchild managing their affairs. They might be suspicious of you or paranoid, which are personality changes associated with dementia.

But having the discussion early on allows your loved one to make decisions while they have the “legal capacity,” to understand and sign legal documents. Let your loved one know you want to be sure you can carry out their wishes. Imagine how hard it will be for you to advocate for them without this information when they lose their memory.

Four ways to help your loved one manage their dementia

To get a clear understanding of your loved one’s financial situation and healthcare preferences, find out about the following topics:

Finances and budget
Advanced directives for health care
Advanced directives for finance and end of life plans
Resources to cover long-term care costs

1. Managing finances for people with dementia

Losing the ability to manage finances is one of the first signs of Alzheimer’s disease. If a loved one has bills stacking up, gets calls from collection agencies or is making unusual purchases, they may need help managing their finances. To get a full view of their finances, look at the following documents:

Bank statements
Estate documents
Insurance policies
Credit card statements
Vehicle registration
Retirement accounts

To help manage the budget:

Set up automated bill payments
Place their phone number on the National Do Not Call Registry. This will reduce the risk of them falling prey to telemarketing schemes.
Ask them to add you to their bank account if you will pay bills or purchase items on their behalf.

Alzheimer’s & Dementia: Tips for Better Communication

2. Advanced directive for health care

An advanced directive is a legal document that explains how you want medical decisions made if you cannot make them yourself. It is prepared while the person has the ability to understand the document and make rational decisions.

The advanced directive goes into effect when you are incapacitated and cannot make decisions. The health care directive might include:

A durable power of attorney for health care: this is a relative or friend who makes health care decisions if the person with dementia cannot do so. The person with memory loss makes their own decisions as long as they are able.

The power of attorney document should specify that the power is durable. If the power of attorney does not state that it is durable, it ends if the patient becomes incapacitated.

A living will that covers a person’s wishes for medical treatment near the end of life. It covers topics like whether a person would like to be put on artificial life support.
A do not resuscitate order, or DNR, which asks health care professionals not to perform CPR if a person’s heart stops or they stop breathing.

3. Advanced directive for financial and estate management

Documents outlining how to handle financial matters also must be created while a person has the legal capacity to make their own decisions. Advance directives for financial and estate management include:

A durable power of attorney for finances designates someone to make financial decisions when the person with memory loss loses the capacity.
A will to cover how a person’s assets will be distributed upon their death. This could include instructions for funeral or burial arrangements.
A living trust appoints someone to manage your financial resources when you can no longer handle them. All of the financial resources are added to the trust and you appoint a trustee to manage them based on your instructions.

Medical release form: sign a medical records release form at the doctor’s office to be sure a friend or relative who is helping coordinate care will be able to see their health records. If a person with memory loss has more than one person assisting with their care, such as a spouse and adult children, each person must be mentioned in a release.

4. Research the cost of care and financial resources

Over time, the person with memory loss will become less independent and require help from caregivers. Research the cost of care for things such as:

In-home care services
Full-time residential care
Adult daycare
Prescription drugs
Safety-related expenses for the home, such as grab bars in the shower.

Consider all your financial resources including

Medicare
Insurance - both life and long-term-care
Employee or retirement benefits
Personal assets
Veterans benefits
Medicaid
Social Security Income
Free support programs like Meals on Wheels

Taking the costs and your budget into consideration, create a care plan for your loved one. Can they remain at home with help from a caregiver? If the budget permits, would they be happier moving to an assisted living center with social and entertainment activities?

Help with planning

If you are supporting a person with dementia, the doctor’s office will help with the health care directives. If the medical practice includes a social worker, that person might complete the forms or refer you to local resources.

Most of the documents mentioned above involve simply filling out and signing forms. If you need an elder law attorney or other assistance, here are a few resources: