Now that you and your partner have made it past the dating stage and are relishing in the engagement phase of your relationship, you may find that besides being head over heels in love with each other, you now have an entire wedding to plan.
However, while planning a wedding is a lot of work and can be stressful, it’s a small factor to consider when planning your future with each other. In the midst of enjoying the fresh premarital bliss, it’s important to make make sure you and your future spouse take up premarital counseling or at least set aside some time to talk with each other about these following crucial topics before becoming one.
FINANCES AND CAREERS
One of the biggest issues couples argue about and stress over the most is money. As the old adage says “love doesn’t pay the bills,” so it’s important to get this conversation started as soon as possible.
Do you both want to maintain separate bank accounts or put all of your money into a joint account? How will the bills be paid, split everything down the middle orone person pays for everything and the other person is in charge of the joint savings account? Who will be in charge of the finances?
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If one of you is a spender and the other is a saver, create a budget for future spending that you’ll both be satisfied with. Additionally, what are your career plans? Where do you want to be in the next five years? Does your career require you to move to another coast? Understanding each other’s expectations now can help minimize financial-related arguments in the future.
KIDS
If this subject hasn’t previously been discussed, now would be a great time to discuss whether or not you both want children. If you both agree that you want to have kids, the conversation doesn’t stop there.
How do you both want to raise your future children? How do you plan on disciplining your children? How will you handle important issues regarding your kids?
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If your or your partner can’t have kids, are you open to adopting? It’s okay if you’re not sure on how many kids you want to have; while it’s important to agree with a number, it’s mainly important to see eye-to-eye with the aforementioned questions.
VALUES AND BELIEFS
This topic can potentially be a deal breaker earlier on the in the relationship, but, if it somehow hasn’t been discussed too much due to not wanting to have a potential argument, then that’s exactly why this needs to be discussed. Besides religion, discussing each others’ values play a major role in marriage.
Does your partner value objects over experiences? That may bean issue if you find they have a closet full of expensive shoes and high-end clothes and you don’t get to travel as much as you’d like to.
This can also potentially lead to issues with money if one person tends to spend a lot more than what the budget allows. Additionally, when you have kids, this subject is pivotal as you both are deciding how you’d like to raise them.
Something else to discuss is potential issues with your in-laws. While it’s common for some disagreements to arise with your in-laws, it’s crucial for you and your fiancé to make sure each other doesn’t feel like your in-laws come before you.
SERIOUS PAST ISSUES
Simply put, knowing where each other comes from, helps the both of you know where you’re going. The previous relationships your future spouse was in or the types of relationships they witnessed growing up can potentially shed some light on how they may or may not handle your relationship with each other. Take some time to learn how your spouse grew up and if there are any major issues that happened throughout their life.
CHANGE
Anything can happen at any point in time, so knowing how you two will react to big changes is necessary. For example, if you and your family live in Texas and you receive a dream job offer to work as an entertainment journalist in Los Angeles, how will your spouse handle a big move? What if you decide you no longer want to have kids? While you can’t predict the future, it’s important to know how you both plan on handling life-changing situations.
COMMUNICATION
No matter how much you love each other, arguments will arise, but know how tohandle them in order to get through them. Everyone has their own ways on how they choose to handle conflict and it’s important for you both to understand each other.
If both of you have more of a fire personality and find it difficult to ease up and allow the other person to explain themselves, try creating a code word so that when one of you says it, you both have to cool off on the argument for a few minutes. By doing this, it can allow both of you to calm down and think before coming back to each other and discussing the issue. Set limits on what’s allowed and determine how you both can accommodate each other.
When discussing these six critical topics, try to be as open and vulnerable as possible. While it’s nice to have the wedding of your dreams, it’s important to make sure you also have a beautiful marriage built on a strong foundation.
Shawna Davis is a wellness journalist and the founder and creator of the wellness lifestyle blog, Froing and Flowing. Beyond the blog, she is a certified yoga instructor, wife, dog mama and is a natural hair enthusiast that’s passionate about health, wellness, and natural beauty. You can follow her on Instagram @itsshawnadavis.
