What is a man really thinking? For nearly forever, women have tried to understand and interpret the male species. While in theory, every man is different, research has found a number of surprising parallels. From his fear of commitment to his fondness for cuddling, certain emotions cause many men to freeze up rather than open up.
Here are some of the top secrets your guy may be keeping from you:
1. “I think you’re cool”
(What He Really Means: I really don’t want to commit because I’m dating more people than just you)
If you ask a man what he really thinks of you, especially after dating him a few times, and all he has to say is that “you’re cool” or “I like you” then you shouldn’t look more into the relationship than the surface. His response, if it’s not descriptive, is just as it is. He thinks you’re nice, he likes hanging out with you and probably likes having sex with you–but it’s no more than that. So if you’re looking for some deep response and don’t get it, then nine times out of 10, he’s weighing his options elsewhere and doesn’t feel the same way you feel about him.
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2. “She’s just a friend”
(What He Really Means: She is one of my ex’s/dips/friends-with-benefits I used to have sex with)
Whenever a woman asks if a woman she sees a man with or was talking to and he responds that she is “just a friend” most of the time, there is something more to it than that. He has already witnessed HOW you asked him so he already feels like you may feel threatened (especially if the woman is attractive). So even though he may not be currently have sex with this woman he has in the past. So in order to not go down the road of an argument, he just lets it go with a “she’s a friend”. Please NOTE: It may have been years since he’s seen or went down that road with the other woman, but he feels he can’t tell the full truth because it’ll bring up an argument, so it’s easier (he thinks) to keep it on the surface.
3. “I forgot”
(What He Really Means: I forgot)
Many times women are a lot more analytical than men. Sometimes that can have it’s advantages, other times, it can lead to downfall. Take the simple statement, “I forgot”– it just means the man forgot. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t care as much, or he’s not in the relationship as much as you or anything like that. A man can simply forget some of the details that women hold dear. Don’t be too hard on him ladies, allow him to forget a couple of times, just make sure you give him something he’ll never forget (wink, wink).
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4. “I’m not ready to settle down”
(What He Really Means: I don’t think you’re the one/I’m not done playing around)
Many women have heard this from time to time, either when they first start dating a man or if he tells them months in to it. The problem is, many women don’t listen when a man’s says this. They let it go right over their head and think they can possibly change this man’s mind with their actions and/or body. But if he wasn’t ready then or even looking for it, he means that he’s not looking for it WITH YOU and/or he’s still dating other people. If that’s not right for you, then stop wasting each other’s time and let him go.
5. “Why don’t you want it as much as I do?”
(What He Really Means: I want you to initiate sex sometimes)
You may think sexual desire is hard-wired in men, but with every attempt at turning you on comes a threat of rejection — even in the most established relationships. That’s why it’s such a turn-on when a woman makes the moves, allowing him to skip the risk altogether. And it’s not just sex he wants: One recent study from the Kinsey Institute at Indiana University actually found that cuddling and caressing in a relationship are more important to men than women.
6. “I’ll be alright”
(What He Really Means: I’m not feeling my best/I’m depressed)
Depression has no gender bias: It can strike anyone, including the most macho of men. However, studies show that men who are depressed are less likely to open up about their sadness or lack of energy than women. Instead, they are more likely to avoid sex, say they’re overtired, or drink more. “Some men are uncomfortable about feeling sad, and their sadness or depression may come out as anger,” warns depression expert, Dr. Firstein. Depression is one of the most dangerous secrets a man can keep, so if you think a male in your life could be depressed, it’s important to let him know that you’re concerned.
7. “Do whatever you’re going to do”
(What He Really Means: I’m already doing what I’m doing/I’m already cheating on you)
Despite popular opinion, men feel things too. They get hurt, they care. An when they are fed up, most of the time they are worse than a woman who is fed up. So if he says that he doesn’t care what you do and who you do it with it, then he already has his mind set up that he’s going to do whatever too or already has. He may be holding back his feelings of what he doesn’t like about you or your relationship. And all that bottled up can lead to a risky decision like this. Men aren’t emotionless. The emotions are there; they just need to be uncovered. And if confessing his feelings remains a stumbling block, he may need to seek relationship advice from a professional.
8.“I don’t care.”
(What He Really Means: “I do care, but I don’t want to seem too invested”)
In today’s culture, if a man is overly-interested or seems like he cares too much, he’s labeled as “thirsty” or “clingy.” But in actuality, if he says, “I don’t care”, he might actually care but not want to say it. Or he doesn’t want to hurt your feelings by showing you his true feeling on the matter. If she shows his true feelings, then that’s another label that might be put on him as being “emotional” or “caring too much.” Do you see where I’m going here?
All of this labeling and not wanting to seem like this or that, is all a result of him not feeling like he is in a safe enough space to express himself. If he knows and feels like he’s in a safe enough space, he can truly share what’s on his heart without the fear of it blowing up in his face.
9.“We’ll see”
(What He Really means: “Probably not, but I don’t want to commit either way”)
This is another phrase that you can put in the “non-committal” category. If you keep asking him about something and most of his answers are “We’ll see”, then don’t count on it happening. And you may want to start looking elsewhere because a man who is certain about you and where you stand in his relationship will be equally certain about what he wants or doesn’t want to do for or with you.
Another BIG secret men keep?
Men need (and want) intimacy just as much as women do. Mutual respect, trust, support, and communication — these relationship musts are just as important for a man’s emotional and sexual health as they are for a woman’s. When both partners are able to open up and let their relationship develop at its own pace, that love will be nurtured by positivity — rather than stunted by secrets.
