The joy of welcoming a new child into the world is unlike any other feeling. The preparation, the growth, and the anticipation are all apart of the process that makes it so exciting. But when the baby is lost during pregnancy, it can be devastating for any couple, no matter who they are.
That's why prayers are going up for singer John Legend and his wife Chrissy Teigen as they experience this pain now after losing their child during pregnancy on Wednesday.
"We are shocked and in the kind of deep pain you only hear about, the kind of pain we've never felt before," said the statement posted to each of their verified Twitter accounts.
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Teigen, a model and TV personality, was taken to Cedars-Sinai Medical Center on Sunday after revealing that she had been on bed rest and bleeding for "a little less than a month."
Vaginal bleeding during pregnancy can be scary. However, it isn't always a sign of trouble.
Bleeding in the first trimester happens to about 15–25% of pregnant women. Light bleeding or spotting can occur 1–2 weeks after fertilization when the fertilized egg implants in the lining of the uterus. The cervix may bleed more easily during pregnancy because more blood vessels are developing in this area.
Light bleeding, often mixed with mucus, near the end of pregnancy could be a sign that labor is starting. This vaginal discharge is pink or bloody and is known as bloody show.
"We were never able to stop the bleeding and give our baby the fluids he needed, despite bags and bags of blood transfusions," the post said. "It just wasn't enough."
With the first two pregnancies, the statements said the couple waited to name the baby until after delivering, but this time they had already begun calling "the little guy in my belly" Jack.
"He will always be Jack to us," the statement said. "Jack worked so hard to be a part of our little family, and he will be, forever."
The couple has two children, Luna and Miles, who they have said were both conceived through in vitro fertilization (IVF). But this pregnancy happened naturally, something Teigen said she didn't think was possible for her.
Though she was open about her struggles getting pregnant, Teigen recently said IVF pregnancies felt "untouchable and safe" and that this pregnancy left her feeling "eggshelly."
Teigen was about halfway through her pregnancy and bleeding significantly, she said earlier this week. She asked fans not to diagnose her, and revealed that her placenta was "really, really weak."
Placental insufficiency (also called placental dysfunction or uteroplacental vascular insufficiency) is an uncommon but serious complication of pregnancy. It occurs when the placenta does not develop properly, or is damaged. This blood flow disorder is marked by a reduction in the mother's blood supply.
Even though they are experiencing this huge loss, they are still thankful. The couple expressed their gratitude for their children and the experiences they have had.
"But everyday can't be full of sunshine," they said. "On this darkest of days, we will grieve, we will cry our eyes out. But we will hug and love each other harder and get through it."
It's normal for anyone who lost a baby during pregnancy to feel shock, grief, depression, guilt, anger, and a sense of failure and vulnerability.
The days, weeks, and even months following a loss can be incredibly difficult and painful – even more so if this wasn't your first pregnancy loss, or if you carefully planned this pregnancy and thought you'd done everything "right." Chrissy may even feel simply withdrawn and moody and unable to concentrate or sleep. All of that is a normal emotion through this.
If you or know someone who is going through this, here are three things to keep in mind:
Understand that it's not your fault.
Pregnancy loss or complications can strike anyone. Talk openly and honestly with your partner about what's happened and how it's affecting you. Remember, there's no right or wrong way to deal with grief. Accept your feelings as they are and don't judge yourself or your partner for how you respond.
Give yourself time to heal.
Don't pressure yourself to get past the sadness quickly. Your healing will be more complete if you deal with your grief as it comes. You may find yourself reliving the pain, especially around your due date or other milestones. Over time, things will change and you'll feel better.
Don't expect your partner to grieve in the same way.
If your partner doesn't seem to be affected by the loss as deeply as you are, understand that everyone grieves differently. Share your feelings and your needs with your partner but give each other the freedom to experience the loss in your own way.
Black women are really affected by the loss of a baby during pregnancy.
Research has shown that Black women experience all types of pregnancy loss more often than white women. This includes miscarriage as well as stillbirth, preterm birth, and infant death.
The reasons why have baffled scientists for decades. We do understand that Black women have higher rates of the risk factors associated with pregnancy loss, such as diabetes, tobacco use, obesity, and low socioeconomic status. But even studies that control for these variables find higher rates of pregnancy loss among African Americans.1
The reasons why Black women are more susceptible to these risk factors is complicated and related to various issues of racism and systemic inequality in healthcare. However pinpointing the exact reasoning behind higher rates of diabetes, high blood pressure, and many other chronic illnesses is still not clear.
We are continuing to pray for John and Chrissy during this time.
