When you think of post-traumatic stress disorder, I’m sure conjured images of military vets coming back from combat, plagued by anxiety, distrust, nightmares, and flashbacks come up. This isn’t surprising since war can be extremely stressful. But what we don’t often think about is that people can suffer PTSD after a variety of traumatic situations, such as being the victim of violence, sexual assault, difficult upbringing or even damaging relationships. Yes, believe it or not, a toxic romantic situation can also trigger PTSD symptoms. Here are a few signs to look out for when trying to determine if you’re suffering from post-traumatic relationship disorder.
1. You’re a commitment-phobe
It's perfectly normal to take time to take time for yourself after a difficult breakup before jumping dating around again. However, be cognizant of if you want to date, but for some unidentifiable reason, you can’t. This might be a sign that your last relationship has left you with residual fear-based issues associated with trauma. This can stem from self-doubt when considering jumping into another commitment.
When that's the case, it's often a good idea to seek support from friends, family and therapy to pinpoint ways to move past the trauma and learn to trust again.
2. Your confidence is really low
If your self-esteem took a serious blow and you feel worthless after a breakup, it could be another sign of trauma. Many individuals who leave toxic relationships feel like they aredamaged goods and have too much baggage to be worthy of someone who’s “better” than their ex.
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These feelings are often an after effect of hurtful words from your former partner who made it their mission to press your buttons they’re very familiar with, ultimately making you question your self-worth. Although these thoughts can be difficult to move to past, it’s definitely possible to move past them.
3. You’re feeling survivor’s remorse
Once an unhealthy relationship ends, it’s not unusual to think that you’ve ‘escaped’ or ‘gotten out.’ It’s also common to feel relieved as you make the final move to leave the situation for good.
However, once it’s really over, it's not uncommon for feelings of guilt, regret self-doubt to settle in soon after. This can usually be a sign of a co-dependency element in the relationship that finally came to an end. It's at this stage that many people go back to the toxic situation, just to make the discomfort go away.
Giving a failed relationship another chance is ok, in some instances. But it's important to recognize when it’s with a toxic ex and whether you’re good for each other down the road. Give yourself plenty of time to get used tobeing without them and assess what the relationship actually felt like while in it, what you went through and what you ultimately want. With support and help from others, you may find that it's better for you to move on.
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4. You find yourself in another toxic relationship
If you jump head first into another relationship without giving yourself time to assess and heal from the last one, you might find that a lot of the behaviors you ran from being reincarnated in your new partner. It’s helpful to do a self-audit to revisit and analyze the toxicity your ex-exhibited so you can know how to recognize signs of those traits in someone else.
It can often be difficult to do this alone, so it would be useful to recount your experience with a therapist and let them point out the identifiers.
5. You have strong feelings of distrust
Again, if you haven't given yourself time to recover from a toxic relationship, it's not unusual to commit to another and expect a repeat of all the bad things from the past to occur.
After escaping a toxic relationship, individuals can often have suspicions aimed towards friends, family or lovers and interpret simple mistakes as abuse or boundary crossing.
Being aware of this overreaction can be the first step in truly healing. Although it may be difficult, speaking with a therapist, or loved one can help you manage any trust issues you may be experiencing, as well as deal with any underlying trauma that’s still there beneath the surface.
Overall, we have all experienced difficult breakups, but it’s important to understand the signs of a toxic relationship as it can have long-term negative effects if not handled with care. If you’ve experienced most of the above, it would be helpful to seek support, ASAP.
If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic abuse, call 911 or the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1(800) 799-SAFE (7233) or visit thehotline.org.
Jasmine Browley holds an MA in journalism from Columbia College Chicago, and has contributed to Ebony, Jet and MADE Magazine among others. So, clearly, she knows some stuff. Follow her digital journey @JasmineBrowley.
