T.I., affectionately known as the “King of the South”, has recently been under a lot of scrutiny due to his explosive comments regarding his daughter’s hymen. The rapper admitted during an interview that he makes and attends yearly gynecology appointments with his 18-year-old daughter, Deyjah Harris to ensure her “hymen stays intact.”
After the generous release of this information, Deyjah Harris unfollowed her father on social media after fans jumped to her defense, and attacked T.I. for his invasive, and impractical parenting methods, while others agreed with T.I., and applauded a father who is intentional about his daughter’s sexual health.
While we all can agree that T.I. is an exceptionally active, and positive father, the debate around what is considered excessive parenting became the social media topic. Waves of conversations surrounding healthy sexual dialogue between teenagers and their parents, and the roles and responsibilities of mothers and fathers and their intentionality about the “proactive sex talk” surfaced a variety of opinions.
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We all know that sex talk with our kids, especially our teenagers is not an easy task. It is usually an awkward-filled dialogue of rambling, never-getting-to-the-point, squinted eyes and squirmish facial expressions.
However, as sex in social media continues to gain our youth’s attention faster than the traditional “birds and the bees” talk, it is important for parents to become more active, and intentional when engaging in the sex talk with their children.
It is absolutely true parents hold the authority to raise, nurture, and educate their children in the way they find most fitting, and valuable. Despite the many people who disagree with T.I.’s unusually invasive plan of action, myself included, I am positive that his intentions were not to cause his daughter to unfollow him, or publicly humiliate her by unknowingly offering her virginity to the highest bidder.
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The truth is, there isn’t a rulebook when it comes to parenting. There simply isn’t a guide to follow or specific real-life scenarios to example. Parents usually get in the routine of doing what feels most natural. However, it is my belief, that active parenting stems from a place of intentionality, and molding from a scope and sequence standpoint.
For example, if it is our desire for our children to be comfortable enough to have conversations with us about sex, we must parent from a place that prepares them to be open, vulnerable, and most importantly, ready.
As parents, we should be able to trust what we instill within our children, and believe that they will take what has been given, as they develop into physical, mental, emotional, and spiritually-filled beings.
For example, I am almost certain that T.I. would not have to feel accompanying his daughter to her personal gynecology appointments if he and his daughter established a normal, healthy check-in system. That looks like constant nurturing and education; not just dictatorship and/or an authoritarian perspective.
If we expect our children to approach sex in healthy and appropriate ways, conversations about what and how that should look like, need to happen. Being proactive in healthier ways, with a focus that what we impart to our children will be what they use in order to navigate themselves to independent decision-makers.
I think it’s important to note: I think we can all agree that T.I. is an exceptional dad, and his willingness to be present is to be applauded. I don’t personally think stones should be thrown to a father, especially in this day and age, who is making it his priority to show an interest in his daughter’s healthy well-being.
Kudos to the rapper for his presence. His approach, and only his approach, should be criticized in a way to start concrete conversations surrounding the sometimes awkward, yet important, “birds and the bees” talk.
Abril Green (Edwards) is an author, spoken word artist & motivational speaker; founder of #BumpyButNotBlocked Ministries & Spoken WorDship where she spits "Poetry with A Purpose". Currently a Literacy Interventionist at Chicago Public Schools, Abril believes "the greatest relationship outside of Man and His Higher Power, is between a Pen and HER Paper."
