Kid Cudi On His Depression & Suicidal Urges: “I Deserve To Have Peace”

Kid Cudi

Kid Cudi/Photo: Michael Hickey/Getty Images

Day ‘n’ nite
I toss and turn, I keep stress in my mind, mind

I look for peace, but see, I don’t attain


Kid Cudi’s lyrics from his debut single “Day ’N’ Nite” spoke of a man struggling to find peace in his own mind even in the beautifulest form of artistry. On an early October 2016 evening, the Cleveland rapper posted a status to his Facebook page explaining his recent decision to enter himself into rehab after battling depression, anxiety and suicidal tendencies for years.

MUST READ: Black Men & Depression: “I Refuse To Let Anyone Else Suffer In Silence”

He wrote:

“Yesterday I checked myself into rehab for depression and suicidal urges. I am not at peace. I haven’t been since you’ve known me. If I didn’t come here, I wouldve done something to myself. I simply am a damaged human swimming in a pool of emotions everyday of my life. Theres a ragin violent storm inside of my heart at all times. Idk what peace feels like. Idk how to relax. My anxiety and depression have ruled my life for as long as I can remember and I never leave the house because of it. I cant make new friends because of it. I dont trust anyone because of it and Im tired of being held back in my life. I deserve to have peace. I deserve to be happy and smiling. Why not me?”

Cudi’s recent admission to the world is a powerful step towards healing that many of our men don’t take. Statistics have shown that more women attempt suicide, but men successfully complete suicide more than women.  Although the Black male suicide rate is one of the lowest amongst all ethnicities, it’s still the third leading cause of death for Black men ages 15-24 according to the CDC .

Mental illness is a silent killer in our community as a whole, but many Black men suffer in silence for reasons larger than most can comprehend themselves. As we’ve seen with music executives Chris Lighty and Shakir Stewart, money and fame don’t equate happiness as both of them decided to take their own lives unbeknownst to the people around them.  The deaths of these two musical giants opened up a larger conversation for the need for mental health care in the Black community.