Hey, Lovelies, I’m so glad you landed here! Per usual, the world and social media have been in pandemonium the past few weeks. From KeKe’s baby daddy showing his entire misogynistic behind to fake kidnappings and it being 10,000 degrees outside – I’ve just about had enough. I was watching the greatest show of all time, “Law & Order: SVU” (argue with ya cousin), and they mentioned Stealthing. I was unfamiliar with the term, so I began my investigation, and what I discovered was ghastly. Unfortunately, I later found this very common, so I wanted to share more information and resources with my internet friends. So, let’s get into it!
***Content warning: mention of rape and sexual assault
Did You Know?
- A 2019 U.S. study found that 12% of young straight women had experienced stealthing.
- A 2019 Australian study found that 1 in 3 women and 1 in 5 gay men experienced stealthing.
- California is the only state in the U.S. to criminalize stealthing.
What is Stealthing?
Sex, confusion, shame, and sexual non-consent never mix. When agreeing and engaging in protected sex, you have entrusted your partner with your health, body, and, quite literally, your future.
If you’re engaging in consensual condom-protected sex and your partner removes the condom without your permission or knowledge, stealthing has occurred. Secretly removing the condom or damaging the condom (making holes) is a form of sexual assault and, in some countries, rape.
Stealthing is considered sexual assault because it turns a consensual encounter (condom-protected sex) into a non-consensual one (unprotected sex).
Removal of the condom means that you can no longer protect yourself against unwanted pregnancy and STIs. There are also emotional and mental consequences, such as feelings of shame, loss of trust, and your authority and agency over your body have been violated.
Consent is Crystal Clear
First, let me preface this by saying that I am 100% pro-pleasure and an advocate for women’s sexual liberation, but only consensual pleasure and liberation. Sex and pleasure should be consensual, mutually beneficial, and fun. Stealthing is none of these things. It is rooted in deception and the desire to exert power and control over another human being for one’s own sexual gratification, which is NEVER acceptable.
Consent should be crystal clear for all aspects of sex, including protection from foreplay to intercourse to aftercare. Even if you consent to one sexual act, that does not mean you agree to any and everything during sex now or in the future with that partner.
There are many excuses for stealthing perpetrators to rationalize their behavior, from minimizing the severity of