Aside from questions about sexual technique and sexual health, some of the most common questions that I receive from men are about dating. Approaching a woman of interest is one of the most intimidating things for any man to do because it shifts the power for a moment into the court of the woman. She has the power to inflate an ego by saying yes to a proposal for dinner, or to deflate an ego by declining. Many of the men who approach me for advice have gotten to the point where asking a woman for something as simple as having coffee is a huge deal, but there is no need to worry if these five common tips are taken into consideration when planning a first date.
1. First impression is everything.
From the moment a man approaches a woman, whether it is in person or via the Internet, a woman is absorbing information about him and evaluating everything that he does. Consciously and unconsciously, a woman is sizing a man up to determine if he has the potential to be a fitting mate or if he is simply a throw away to use as a moment of fun. As the old saying goes, the first impression is a lasting impression, so make sure that your best face is put forward. However, this is not a time to act grandiose because whatever fabrications are put forth for appeal will all unravel as time goes forward in the developing relationship. Be confident, be cool but most importantly be YOU. Being respectful and courteous will go a long way, especially in your initial approach. The first impression will be the one that determines if you will have a second date or if you will be back on the search for a new interest.
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2. Don’t talk about sex.
When two people who are attracted to each other agree to get together, it is an unspoken understanding that sex has crossed the minds of each individual, but the first date (or the days leading up to it) is not the best time to talk about sex. If a long, meaningful relationship is what you seek, sex should be something that is discussed when both parties are comfortable with each other and have some type of understanding of what each person wants as far as the type of relationship is concerned. No woman wants to feel like she is only being pursued for sex, so keeping the conversation light and casual about her interests, career, goals and experiences is the best way to go. Try going for topics that are open ended and allow both of you to engage in conversation that can be reciprocal. Once she feels comfortable and the attraction is high, the sex will follow when she is ready.
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3. Cater to her interests.
Women love to know they are the center of attention while on a date, so when planning for the perfect place to take her, reduce the risk of getting it wrong by asking her what her interests are. What are her dietary preferences? What restaurants are her favorites? What types of activities does she like to do for fun? All of these questions will help with planning out the perfect date and will also give a sneak peek into her personality and background. When you cater to her interests it shows her that you aren’t just into this date for yourself, but for her as well.
4. Make her feel comfortable.
When a woman is comfortable with the person she is with, she feels cared for. Once this happens, barriers begin to be let down and the woman underneath the protective shell begins to shine through. Take her to a place that offers a space of security and on the drive over, make sure to be cautious on the road and limit road rage. Getting her to and from the date location safely makes her aware of your ability to be a protector, and that is a major trait that every woman looks for in a man. When she knows that she will be safe with you her comfort level raises, making it easier for you to capture her interests and possibly a piece of her heart on the first date.
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5. Chivalry is not dead.
No matter how independent she is, a woman appreciates a man with manners. Being on time, opening doors, helping with getting in and out of coats, pulling out chairs and picking up the tab are all etiquette behaviors from the past that should still be practiced today. These acts show a woman that a man is polite, attentive and a take charge kind of a guy. A woman wants to feel like a lady, and in an age where many men forget this crucial fact, being a man that holds true to chivalry will give you a winning spot every time. There are some women who have never been treated with the aforementioned respect during a dating situation. To separate yourself from the rest of who have failed in the past, be the gentleman that she desires and work your way to gaining that number one space in her heart!
Dating doesn’t have to be a chore or intimidating once one knows the proper way to approach the initial meeting. Once you’ve gotten over the first date jitters and you see that smile on her face after the evening has ended, you can rest assured that you will be hearing from her again.
Visit the BlackDoctor.org Relationships center for more articles and tips.
Glamazon Tyomi is a freelance writer, model and sex educator with a deeply rooted passion for spreading the message of sex positivity and encouraging the masses to embrace their sexuality. Her website, www.sexperttyomi.com, reaches internationally as a source for advice and information for the sexually active/curious. Follow her on Twitter at @glamazontyomi.
