“Down there,” “you know…that,” “womanhood” or “this area” are some of the vague or slang expressions we use when referring to or speaking about our vagina. The sometimes seemingly awkward nature in which we talk about our vaginas gives the impression that it's some deep, dark, mysterious black hole or something. We are so embarrassed by and disconnected from our vagina that we don’t even associate it as part of our own body. And why is that?
There are many reasons women disassociate themselves from owning the beauty of the vagina, some of which date back to slavery. In addition, the messages we receive from media, family, friends and even ourselves regarding women’s vaginas are not always the most empowering. Not to mention, some are even over-sexualized and downright degrading. Society perpetuates the belief that the vagina is this dirty thing that needs to be cleansed of its filth, as evident by all the feminine hygiene products on the market. There are even cosmetic procedures to “pretty up” the so-called ugly disgusting vagina.
Constantly being inundated with such messages, how does one not hold a shameful view of the vagina? It’s beliefs, attitudes and feelings like these that contribute to the unhealthy behaviors that put women at risk for HIV and other sexually transmitted infections, victimization, abuse, body image issues, unhealthy relationships, mental health challenges and so much more.
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When was the last time you grabbed a mirror and looked at your vulva; touching and exploring its delicate and intricate folds? How many times have you actually taken the opportunity to get to know your vagina? If you could have a conversation with your vagina, what would she say?
Would it be a reunion between happy old friends or a bittersweet greeting of strangers on the street? Would there be an exchange of pleasantries or apologies? If another one of your friends happened to walk in on the conversation, would you be embarrassed to introduce her or would you be proud of her feminine power and beauty?
If she asked you the question, can you honestly say you took good care of her all these years? Or would she burst into tears because you disassociate yourself from her because of the fear, shame, stigma, judgment, trauma and disrespect you allowed her to endure from others?
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It’s time for a shift. We must begin to break those negative intergenerational patterns and disempowering media messages that contribute to a lack of SEX-esteem when it comes to our genitalia. Just as no two women are alike, no two vulvas and vaginas are alike; they are just as unique as each of us are! It’s important to become intimately acquainted with your body. Not just the correct terminology and function but also understanding the power and connection to all the dimensions of sexuality.
We must learn to value, embrace, honor and celebrate all of our womanhood, for your vagina is the door of life and also a means of providing pleasure. How could we not respect its power, purpose and beauty!
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Dr. TaMara loves nothing more than talking about sex! At the age of 13, she told her mother she wanted to be a Sex Therapist! Her passion is deeply rooted in spreading messages about healthy sexuality. Dr. TaMara is a sexologist, sex therapist, author and motivational speaker with more than 20 years of experience speaking, writing and teaching about sexuality. She travels the country helping individuals embrace and honor their sexuality. Dr. TaMara has published numerous books and articles. She is the owner of L.I.F.E. by Dr. TaMara Griffin Live Inspired Feel Empowered LLC-LIFE. She is the publisher and editor-in-chief for Our Sexuality! Magazine. Follow her on Twitter, Facebook or Instagram, www.drtamaragriffin.com.
