After discovering that I was pregnant late last year, the father of my child and I split up and it was dramatic, to say the least. I was so angry when I realized that I would have to go through my pregnancy without the emotional support from a partner. That anger seeped out in many ways, including depression, lashing out, and detachment from reality.
There were times where I was completely consumed by rage and couldn’t focus on much else. Even after attempts at peace, and the birth of my daughter, I was still so upset. How could my friend of several years abandon me at such a sensitive time? What had I done to deserve such hatred? Forgiveness seemed impossible.
That anger burned as hot as coals for entirely too long. I wasn’t paying enough attention to all of the great things that had happened over the course of the year. I had gotten many accolades for my work and given birth to a healthy baby girl. I bonded with old friends and met more. I had also fallen in love with a wonderful guy, turned small writing opportunities into bigger ones, and bonded with my family. But, I wasn’t practicing gratitude because I was holding onto unforgiveness.
Mayo Clinic shared that some benefits of forgiveness include improved mental health, less hostility, and fewer symptoms of depression. The stronghold that grudge-holding has on your mind and body is rarely discussed, although it needs to be. When you’re angry and clinging to old occurrences, you find yourself replaying the situation long after its over. You can’t grow past what has happened when you’re constantly rehashing it in your mind.
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This makes room for consistently negative feelings and the need to take those feelings out on someone, even yourself. The emotional weight that you carry when you hate yourself is not worth it.
Physically, unforgiveness affects you by weakening your immune system. According to Dr. Karen Swartz, “[c]hronic anger puts you into a fight-or-flight mode, which results in numerous changes in heart rate, blood pressure, and immune response. Those changes, then, increase the risk of depression, heart disease, and diabetes, among other conditions.”.
Since forgiveness is tied to how your body fights off bacteria and viruses, it is wise to let things go and try your best to move forward. Some ways to accomplish this are guided meditation, empathy, honest conversations, and journaling.
After months of sadness and taking small steps towards healing, I finally found the strength to forgive myself and the father of my beautiful baby girl. Since then, we’ve begun repairing our relationship and working together to give our kid all that she needs to grow up healthy and happy.
My body has also healed itself from serious, scary issues and my partner and I are happier than ever. I know that these strides would not have been possible without forgiveness and I encourage anyone who is harboring hate in their heart to let it go.
Brooklyn White is a journalist with content featured on Teen Vogue, Rookie Mag, and Bitch Media.
