After discovering that I was pregnant late last year, the father of my child and I split up and it was dramatic, to say the least. I was so angry when I realized that I would have to go through my pregnancy without the emotional support from a partner. That anger seeped out in many ways, including depression, lashing out, and detachment from reality.
There were times where I was completely consumed by rage and couldn’t focus on much else. Even after attempts at peace, and the birth of my daughter, I was still so upset. How could my friend of several years abandon me at such a sensitive time? What had I done to deserve such hatred? Forgiveness seemed impossible.
That anger burned as hot as coals for entirely too long. I wasn’t paying enough attention to all of the great things that had happened over the course of the year. I had gotten many accolades for my work and given birth to a healthy baby girl. I bonded with old friends and met more. I had also fallen in love with a wonderful guy, turned small writing opportunities into bigger ones, and bonded with my family. But, I wasn’t practicing gratitude because I was holding onto unforgiveness.
Mayo Clinic shared that some benefits of forgiveness include improved mental health, less hostility, and fewer symptoms of depression. The stronghold that grudge-holding has on your mind and body is rarely discussed, although it needs to be. When you’re angry and clinging to old occurrences, you find yourself replaying the situation long after its over. You can’t grow past what has happened when you’re constantly rehashing it in your mind.
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