… tone them by clenching when you’re not peeing. Do Kegels every day, ideally a few times a day. And keep breathing while you squeeze.
5. Delay the pleasure.
The longer the arousal buildup, the bigger the explosion. Get yourself close to orgasm, then slow to a simmer. Repeat that a few times before you climax.
6. Focus on breathing.
Focused breathing may boost your pleasure. Studies have shown that you can use your breath to channel your sexual energy. Partners who breathe in tandem may slow the rush to orgasm and create a bigger buildup, which can intensify pleasure.
7. Know yourself.
This is a no-brainer, but something that many of us forget. Know what turns you on/off. Do you like seductive talking? Maybe wear sexy clothes? Do you prefer the lights on/off? Firm or soft body caressing? Does spontaneity turn you on? Figure out what it takes you “there”.
The Biggest Challenge…Is In Your Own Mind
The biggest challenge for my many of my clients is being comfortable with their own bodies. Oftentimes, people feel shameful about their size, shape, or way that their body moves and this prevents them from surrendering themselves sexually to their partners.
Healthy relationships involve talking about how you feel about your body as well as how it impacts your sexual experience.
Consider sharing with each other what you like sexually, what you think about sexually, and how you feel as a sexual being in order to develop a deeper sense of intimacy.
HOMEWORK: Here are four positions to try tonight:
1. Tiny ball
Also known as the Method of Great Bee, the tiny ball allows for full depth penetration and control over thrusting rhythm. Climb onto your partner in cowgirl position. Pull your knees to either side of your body, like you’re sitting in a low squat. Opt for a rocking motion over bouncing up and down. This position is erotic because you are the one with all the power of motion.
Be sure to make lots of eye contact with your partner. Tantra is about emotional connection so, the more you can do to enable closeness, the better.
2. Plated Spoon
Spooning is an intimate sex position already, but adding a tantric twist can really get the volume up on this classic move. Set the mood with some lavender and rose scented candles and the long version of Prince’s “Scandalous” (Trust us, it’s what you need).
Start with some very slow, passionate kissing. Synchronize your breathing with your partner’s. Then, have your partner lie behind you and enter you. Keep things slow and passionate. Have him or her touch your body and interlace fingers. Spooning never felt so sexy.