Love Letters To Those Whose Moms Are No Longer Here
You get the volumes of junk mail, see the hundreds of commercials, and hear the radio ads, all advertising discounts for that “special lady we call mom.”
If you didn’t know it was Mother’s Day coming up, you probably have been living under a rock.
But when your mom is no longer alive, Mother’s Day is a little…different to say the least. It’s still a day that we can celebrate Aunts, grandmothers, or mother-figures in our lives, but I’d be remiss to say that it still has a sting to it when I hear from someone ask, “What are you getting your mom for Mother’s Day?” or “Don’t forget to talk to your mom, I’m sure you’d love to hear from you.” I know that they aren’t trying to be malicious or anything, but I still feel a little squirmish when the question arises. Why? Because that was my mom, my ace, my shoulder to cry on, my voice of reason, my bestie…my no-matter-what-she-still-loved-me kind of girl.
It’s been seven years, and I can’t forget that great loss, but I have found strength in moving on. So this Mother’s Day, we’ve compiled something so that others who have lost their mothers can move on to.
Below are some real-life tips–more like love letters–from real women who have lost their moms and what the learned to keep pushing forward, not for anyone else, but for themselves.
Allow Yourself to Feel What You Feel by Vicki
“Well-intentioned people will try to speed up the grieving process for you. They’ll try to keep you busy, and some of them won’t mention your mother’s name for fear of hurting you. But you must allow yourself to grieve. If you try to stay busy and put it out of your mind, it will catch up to you. You’re going to feel it at some point. It’s best to let it happen when it happens.”
“After Mom died, I tried to push away the grief. Any time I felt like falling apart, I would take deep breaths and get busy with something else. This worked for a little while, but not for long. The pain was not going away, and I needed to feel it. One night—two months after Mom’s death—I was sitting at the dinner table with my husband and children. The kids were talking about their day, and I was trying to actively listen. I felt like my chest was going to explode. I knew what it was, but was trying to ignore it. You see, grief is a very physical thing. You literally feel physical pain. I finally couldn’t take it anymore, and I got up and ran to my bedroom. My husband gave me some time alone. When he finally came in to check on me, I was curled up on the floor sobbing uncontrollably. After that night, I learned to allow myself to feel the pain. I didn’t ignore it anymore.”
Follow Your Inner Voice For Change by LaShaun
“What I have learned from my friends is that a single death can transform your life, especially if the death is that of your mother or father. And it doesn’t matter whether that parent was beloved or resented,…